Men of Redemption

Restoring a Life of Purity – One Day at a Time

Archive for October, 2011

Communicating with Our Wives: Responding Lovingly, Always!

Posted by Men of Redemption on October 31, 2011

OUR WEEKLY ARTICLE OF ENCOURAGEMENT

VOLUME 11 ARTICLE 58 OCT. 2011

Communicating with Our Wives
Respond Lovingly, Always!

How many times have we been asked on numerous occasions by our wives to do something or take care of a matter, regardless how important we may think it is? To our wife, everything she asks us is important because it came from her, our wife! And most of the time our instant response is . . . “Okay dear, I’ll take care of it; No problem sweetheart, just as soon as the game is over I’ll jump right on it, or I’ll take care of it as soon as I get home from work tomorrow.” We know there are many other excuses we husbands reply with but is that really the way we should respond to our wife as the spiritual leader of our homes? Then, several days later when the requests are not honored or completed after we distinctly agreed to handle it, what kind of message is that sending to her? We are reminded of the requests and we still continue to say “I’ll take care of it dear, don’t rush me. I said I’ll do it!”
Oftentimes we as men forget who we’re talking to when it comes to our wife. After a rough day at work, talking all day with co-workers, managers and supervisors, on the phone with clients or colleagues, our mental and emotional mindset is cluttered with daily activity from every perspective. Those of you who are in management positions, having to deal with employees who are not giving their all and complaining about this or that can be a real discouragement for you. Some guys have it worse than others depending on their workload for that day. And then you have the guys that travel on occasion from airport to airport across the country, even abroad. Their daily consumption of work can be hectic from the minute they walk into the office. Oh, and did I not mention facing the traffic going to and from work, everyday? Okay guys, there’s your defense. Exhale now.

We come home and our wife is there awaiting our arrival. Yes, they are awaiting our arrival because she hadn’t seen us all day, wanting and desiring our companionship, to talk with us, to just look at her hard-working man returning from a hard days work providing for his family. Inside her heart she’s excited, but you’d never know it until you engage in communicating with her upon your entering the house. She knows you’re tired and possibly a little frustrated from your day, but just a couple minutes to acknowledge her with a hug, a kiss, I miss you sweetheart, something! After that, she will respect your time to go and unwind for a moment or the time you need. That’s the desire our wife has when it comes to understanding what we do. But when it comes to honoring her with her requests to do something why do we not take consideration for her as well? Is it too much to ask for? Is it cramping your manhood and your agenda when you get home everyday? Is the ESPN sports report too important that we can’t miss a recap, especially when it is repeated every hour? This is our wife! She was not part of all the daily activity we went through during the course of the day, which could include yelling at co-workers, being frustrated at decisions and goals not being met, or even confrontational disagreements. Learning to unwind and separate workload anxiety from home is difficult for many men. But how can we accomplish this if that’s all we saw in our home?

In Colossians 3:19, Paul instructs us as husbands to “Love our wives and do not be bitter toward them.” Coming home with work still on our minds with all the mental and emotional activity still present can present itself as a form of bitterness toward our wife. We won’t respond to her in a loving manner because of our rough day. A loving attitude is not in the forefront of our thoughts when seeing our wife after being away from her all day. Not having kind and loving words to speak in and over her is damaging to her heart and spirit when she expects her loving husband to come home to her, because that is where she wants him. All of this is a form of bitterness. Sure, the first thing we do is say hello to our wife. But is that the extent of the communication until we get our rest first? Is it about us first then our wife comes second, or maybe even later? This is where many homes have difficulty in the area of communication: addressing one another. And believe me, if the enemy is looking for a way into your home this is his first option for him to enter: bitterness and strife in the marriage opens the door for every kind of evil. Okay, so we now understand a little better about taking time to communicate with our wife, so how can we make that happen for us?

“When you think about it for a moment, it certainly makes sense that if people can establish a loving and compatible relationship at home, they have a better chance of establishing winning relationships with those with whom they work on a regular basis.” Zig Ziglar

Working in a fast-pace environment in the retail industry can be utterly frustrating everyday, not to mention the physically exasperating effort it takes on me. Trying to get product levels ready for merchandising is rough, especially when I’m responsible for making sure all levels are at maximum capacity in a building at more than 100,000 square feet. After attempting to meet daily expectations, I’m tired and most often, physically exhausted. After my work day is completed, in my car I rest for a few minutes and confessed, “Thank you Lord Jesus for another day to give You glory in what I do for a living. Give me rest for my body, my spirit and my mind, in Jesus’ Name!” While I’m driving home God gives me peace from my hectic day and my mind is literally emptied of all that I’ve been through for eight hours. At this point I’m concentrating on my wife and family, desiring to see them after a hard days work. My mental focus is just about clear as I’m pulling into the garage. When I see my wife, I’m relieved and excited because this is where I want to be. My wife is excited to see me because I am home, we embrace, and I tell her I love her. That right there made her day despite whatever she went through in her daily activity. Now those of you men, whose wife is not home when you get there, turn around and welcome her as she would you. This keeps balance in the communication with your wife, and that’s what you want, balance. Then, when I do go and relax, because of the effort I put in prior to coming home, and being thankful, I don’t spend a lot of time unwinding. Actually, I’m a little energized, and that’s where I sit down and share with my wife about my day, how I feel about things, and whatever she would like to talk about. This has added life to my marriage. Our communication has never been better than it is now. I am ever thankful for my relationship with my Lord Jesus Christ because He enables me to do what is required of me as the spiritual leader of our home.
I encourage all husbands to really take a closer look at your communication with your wife. Is she acknowledged in all things pertaining to your marriage? Do you include her in expressing your frustrations and disappointments or do you act independently of her in your home? Our wife deserves better guys. Remember, we asked her for her hand in marriage. We made those promises to love, honor and cherish her till death do us part in front of witnesses who also hold us accountable to complete those vows always. God holds us to that covenant, because what identifies a man to who he really is: his word. Are you a man of your word? Prove it, and start to honor your wife by being the spiritual leader God has called you to be. I conclude this article with this verse . . . .

“I (Paul), therefore a prisoner of the Lord, beseech you to walk worthy of the calling with which you were called, with all lowliness and gentleness, with longsuffering, bearing with one another in love, endeavoring to keep the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace.”
Ephesians 4:1-3

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Sharing From the Heart

Posted by Men of Redemption on October 26, 2011

Men of Redemption is thankful to all who have read our articles. We are truly blessed by your responses of support and agreement to a major problem that has affected marriages and relationships all over the world. While each of your responses were read with great passion and understanding, it is clear that many of you have inquired about who is the source of our articles and where is this information coming from. Well, let us make that reality known.
All of our articles are written by one of our brothers who has overcome all of the trials, sinful lifestyles, addictive behaviors and all the subjects written for sharing. Each article is a written, life-experienced reality that he has walked through and gives all the credit to his Lord Jesus Christ for bringing him out of that season of his life. God has brought tremendous healing not only to his life and marriage, but also to his relationship with his Lord Jesus Christ. He writes these articles in hope that they may help other men overcome the same obstacles in their lives because they may not know where to turn. There are so many men out there that are looking for an answer to their issues and concerns but don’t know where to turn for help. His articles are shared that they may find that direction through his experiences, both small and great.
So those of you who are wondering where the source of information is coming from, it’s coming from a man who has experienced the true healing of God and the entire process that comes with it. He is thankful for the men who have come along side him in his journey and those who are influencing his life to this day. His passion, to help other men overcome and receive the joy, the healing, and the freedom that he has, in their lives as well. This, my friends, is what we do at Men of Redemption!!

Be blessed!!

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Our Wife’s Prayer: Be a Man of God

Posted by Men of Redemption on October 24, 2011

OUR WEEKLY ARTICLE OF ENCOURAGEMENT

VOLUME 11 ARTICLE 57 Oct. 2011

Our Wife’s Prayer:
Become a Man of God

It’s hard being a man in these perilous times we live in. It’s even harder to be a man of God. Look at what’s around us: everywhere we look we face temptation, decisions to compromise our beliefs are challenged daily; career goals and performance on employment are influenced by high expectations from our employers, and wanting to be the husband, the father, the spiritual leader of our home is a lot of work for a lot of men. With all that going on in a man’s life he can get discouraged and even defeated in his efforts to work at this. But that’s something we men don’t want to happen – being defeated in our efforts to do the right thing for our families and marriage but it happens. We want help but our pride won’t allow us to reach out to others for it shows a sign of weakness on our part as men, and we can trace this all the way back to the garden of Eden with Adam. And then there is our wife, who we don’t go to for help because we feel she doesn’t understand what we’re going through. All we hear from her is “I’m praying for you dear.” That can be comforting at times but what about when situations get thick, the mortgage is due and no money in the bank, the bills are behind, the kids need school supplies. It’s challenging and discouraging. But we pull through and do the best can right? Sure, all husbands have been there and hopefully we have learned from those challenging moments. But that’s not where God wants us to be in life, just getting by, living from paycheck to check, and barely making it. As men we need to ask our selves “Where is God in all this?” If God is who He says He is, do we think He desires us to struggle like we do? No He doesn’t! He desires us to live abundantly and prosper in everything we do. So how do we get to this point understanding these huge responsibilities that we asked for when we chose to get married and have children?

I remember recently after coming out many struggles of addictive behaviors my wife would always share with me during our many conversations together – “I’m praying that you become the man of God that He wants you to be. Then you will become the man I’ve desired you to be.” I never truly understood that statement when she said it but I allowed it to saturate my heart and trust God to mold me into that man.
As I began to allow God to mold me I notice several things changing in my life personally. First, it was my thinking. My thoughts were beginning to become clearer and purer regarding decisions and choices about life and needs. I started reading the Word of God with purpose in mind, not just reading words from a book. As I allowed this transformation, and many others were to follow, my wife started to see this and continued to pray but never really saying much about the progression. But I continued to trust God because it wasn’t about being on display; it was about letting God do what He wanted to do in my life. I needed, and wanted change and transformation. I sought out counsel from other Godly husbands whom I respected and saw in them what I wanted in and for my marriage and inquired of them their efforts and wisdom for a successful marriage. Then God’s Word showed me in Proverbs 15:22 . . .

“Without wise counsel, plans go awry, but in the multitude of counselors they are established.”

These men helped me understand what it takes to be a Godly man for myself as well as for my family. I began to pray with meaning and passion, trusting God that He will do what He says He will do. As I continued in this God created in me a clean heart where there was no doubt and discouragement, that what I prayed for will come to past. Still, watching from a distance was my wife, not saying a word. I wasn’t bothered by it but I continued to press forward and seek God with all my heart.
I became strengthened in the things of God because of my efforts and dedication to seek God wholeheartedly. I started ministering to my wife and family, praying for them and with them. I began to pray for others, taking the focus off of myself and learning that life doesn’t center on me and my issues. I’m seeing everything in a new perspective or light if I may. I’m seeing others as God sees them, with compassion and understanding. God took self out of the entire equation and showed me that it’s about others and what He wanted to do for them, through me! I was overwhelmed as well as excited! I loved what God was doing in me. I learned, and still learning, that reaching others is God’s plan for every one of His children.
To this very day, I still seek the counsel of other men of God because I want to stay focused on my commitment to God and my marriage. The counsel, and accountability, go hand in hand as far as I’m concerned. There are no two ways about it. Now, I’m taking the lead and leading my family as I should, being the man of God He truly desires me to be. This process was challenging to say the least. But it was something I wanted in my heart, and it wasn’t as difficult as I thought it was going to be. It was only difficult if was unsure or had doubt about if I really wanted it, but that wasn’t the case for me. Because of my diligence and commitment to being the man of God I needed to be, my family and marriage are reaping the benefits of my labor. They are happier, with no signs of discouragement or doubt. There is a peace in and over our home, and each relationship is thriving in the blessings and favor of our Lord Jesus Christ. My wife is happier and I’ve never seen her so full of joy as I see her today in almost 28 years of marriage. And speaking of my wife, she never approached me with comment during this process. But after a season of consistency in this process she finally said something . . .

“This was my prayer over you, that you become the Man of God I desired. My prayers are answered.”

Posted in Accountability, Articles for Men, Articles for Women | 1 Comment »

Restoring to Our Wives What Belongs to Them

Posted by Men of Redemption on October 17, 2011

OUR WEEKLY ARTICLE OF ENCOURAGEMENT

VOLUME 11 ARTICLE 56 Oct. 2011

Restoring to Our Wives What Belongs to Them

As a man, how does it make you feel when you’ve been violated? When someone has broken into your home or establishment and robbed you of all your valuables and things that meant a lot to you are you furious and upset? Or what about when someone “lifts” your wallet from your pocket and you’re not aware of it, then he goes on a spending spree with your money and credit cards, are you upset? Of course you are! What man wouldn’t be! And our first response is what: “Man I wish I knew who did this to me. Man, I would . . . .” Doesn’t that too familiar? All those things, material as they may be, belongs to you. You’ve worked hard and a lot hours to get that stuff and now someone comes along and just walks right in and takes it all. Now, isn’t that what we allowed to happen to our wives in our marriage? You bet it is!

When our immoral behaviors were exposed, our wives said the same things: “Who came into my marriage and stole my husband? What woman, or women, robbed me of my love and compassion that my husband had for me only? Why is this pornography stealing my husband away from me and my family? Who took my husband’s attention span from me? What has invaded my marriage and caused my husband to not love me anymore?” These violations have hit our wives right in the heart and it has devastated them with serious pain. But as men who are ensnared with strongholds and bondages we never look at it from that perspective because it was all about us. Yes men, all of those “things” belong to our wives. When we walked down that aisle, stopped, said ‘I do,’ that sealed the covenant. Because of our behaviors, we’ve allowed our wives to be robbed and violated.
Now, recognizing that when we get violated, we understand that we probably won’t see any of those “things” we’ve lost ever returning to us. In the case of our wives, yes, those ‘things’ can return, if you want them back in your marriage. Sure, it may take a while, but with anything that involves restoration, the process will require time and effort.

First of all, God brought me to a point in my life where I had to realize that in order for restoration to take place for the things I’ve allowed to rob my wife, I had to acknowledge to the Lord that I need Him more than anything in this life. I wanted to have the understanding of having Him in my life. Psalm 51:12 says “Restore to me the joy of Your salvation, and uphold me by Your generous Spirit.” I desired to know the Lord more, and better than I had ever known Him. I wanted more of Him. I had to get right by God so that He could transform me into the man He wanted me to be.
I had to become a man of prayer. I needed to stop bowing down to things that were unworthy and unpleasing to God. My mind needed renewing as well as a change of heart. I said “God, you have my life in Your hands; do what You will, and transform me as You see fit to glorify You Lord.” As I committed myself to the process God began a transformation in me that I had no comprehension of whatsoever. And while all this was going on, who was right there watching everything take hold: my wife. She saw this process in action as my behavior and attitude toward the things of God took shape. I started praying for my wife more affectively. I began to speak life into her and her daily activity. I re-committed myself to our marriage and vowed to allow God to be the central focus of our marriage. As the days and weeks progressed, and staying in agreement with my commitment for change, God gradually began to bring His blessings into our marriage. My attention was desirable centered on the love of my wife; we started praying together in earnest; God removed me out of my environment of illusion and discouragement, and surrounded me with men of God who desired the things of God in my life. While all this was going on, my wife began receiving the love from me she was deprived of. There were no more outside interferences of “things” that held my attention. There were no more strongholds or bondages that captivated my mind turning me away from loving my wife. I was experiencing freedom from ensnarement, and was able to give my wife back what rightfully belonged to her, what I allowed to be stolen from her.
This process took a while. But I wanted it, and desired it for my wife to have all that was hers in the beginning. In order to do it, I realized that I had to go through some things to get to it. All of this was a choice I made, to act out in disobedience. But by God’s grace and mercy, it was another choice I made to do the right thing.
Several years have passed since that miraculous intervention and I’m still filled with the desire to give my wife everything that belongs to her; that means me! I said “I do” and I meant that, and always will. My focus now is to love my wife like Christ loved the church, and gave Himself for her (Ephesians 5:25).
But I cannot forget the following verses to that same scripture because they are just as important as the aforementioned. It says . . .

“That He might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word, that He might present her to Himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be Holy and without blemish.” Ephesians 5:26, 27
In order for me to be to my wife who I should be, I need to daily: pray for her, encourage her, supporting her in all her endeavors, give to her love and affection always. Keeping her from spot, wrinkle or blemish means to keep myself from addictive mentality, immoral behaviors, treating her as the only woman in my life, and giving her my whole heart. I’ve learned to remember, if my wife has my heart, she has everything.

I sincerely hope this article has touched some of you, and has given you a little perspective of what it takes to allow restoration to be manifested into your marriages. It changed my life, and my marriage. And I believe it can do the same for you!

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Helping Our Wives Heal in the Battle

Posted by Men of Redemption on October 10, 2011

OUR WEEKLY ARTICLE OF ENCOURAGEMENT

VOLUME 11 ARTICLE 55 Oct. 2011

Helping Our Wives Heal in the Battle

The day we got married our wives were ecstatic about finally having the man she believed was heaven sent especially for her. She knew that she had all the choices in the world to have any man she desired but she chose you. It was your love for her; the way you spoke to her; the honor you showed her by being a gentleman whenever you were together; your mannerisms and broad intellectual interests that peaked her curiosity; and don’t forget wanting a family with children and growing old together. She also noticed your desire to love and serve God, attending a church service or two with you. Yes sir, those are some of the qualities that attracted our wives’ perception of us. We stood at the altar awaiting her arrival, said “I do,” and now it became official: husband and wife. We take a honeymoon and spent some time alone away from friends and loved ones to celebrate our union. Wedded bliss, it was stimulating!

A few years have past. There are a couple children in the picture now and family has taken priority in your life. Your wife is happy. She’s thankful that she has a loving and committed husband, a family man and a friend she can depend on to always be there. She prays for you every day to continue being the man you desire to be. You get promoted on your job and your salary increases two-fold. Now provision is made a little better as your family and responsibilities increase. Your wifey is so happy because she has what’s she’s been praying for since she was a little girl. Then BAM!!
Her entire world has been shaken and turned upside down. She discovers you have been unfaithful. Along with being unfaithful, she discovers that you’ve been watching pornography since you’ve been married to her, and maybe even before. Then she finds out that you’ve been seeing other women in your free time away from home. She’s devastated! Everything she ever hoped for or dreamed of is now tarnished, tainted and poisoned by infidelity. Trust just ran right out the front door. Believing in you is now a guessing game. And your response: “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean for this to happen. I’ll stop right now. It won’t happen again.” Now, you’ve hurt her more than anyone else has, the pain intensifies because you are her husband, the person she vowed to love with her whole being. She never saw this coming nor did she ever ask for this. What do you do now? Apologies at this point are unacceptable to her because the pain she is experiencing is too overwhelming to hide. So where do you turn if your situation is like many marriages today?
As husbands, our natural reaction is we want to reach out and respond to our wives’ hurt by comforting her and confessing the truth at the same time, thinking that this will ease pain. That response, men, will never work. There are some things that have to take place before we can even begin to help our wives heal. This is where honesty and transparency needs to manifest themselves.

When my mess was exposed I had to acknowledge my sinful behavior and admit that it was a problem for me. The Bible says in 1 John 1:9 – .“If we confess our sin, He is faithful and just to forgive us of our sins and cleanse us from all unrighteousness” This confession brought truth and honesty to my life where there was none. For years, lies and deception were a part of my life. But praises be to God, I’ve been set free from that addictive thinking and ensnarement stronghold. Confessing my sin not only helped me, but it also helped my wife understand that there is some truth in me and not just the mess I was ensnared by. But that wasn’t the end of it. I became transparent in my daily living. I allowed my life to be an open book to my wife, and began to share with her my feelings, my thoughts and my ambitions in life. Surely these things should’ve have been conversation pieces before marriage, and probably were. But being ensnared with my mess controlled me to the point that those attributes were never discussed or brought up.

Honesty and transparency helped my wife understand me because I committed to allowing my heart to be revealed. In essence, my re-commitment to integrity actually gave my wife hope that things could work out. As I continued in this process, I eventually started attending a support group for men, as well as engage in reading recovery based material to identify with my issues and what I can do about preventing them from happening again. This brought a sense of comfort to my wife but it didn’t bring the healing that I desired to see for her. There was always more that I could do. I asked her to become a part of my recovery by her encouragement and her prayers. I wanted her involved in all my efforts. She was not going to be isolated like she had been for years, not knowing me like she should have been knowing me. That secret life was confessed, rebuked and dissolved away with in the sea of forgetfulness praise God! Now that my life is completely open to my wife, she had begun to get support for her understanding of this whole matter of why was this happening to her. She did, and that’s when her healing began to set root in her life. It started with me and my commitment to acknowledge, confess, and react proactively into getting the help I needed so that she can see that I was serious about my life, my marriage and my family. This commitment strengthened her desire to see me in a healthier state so that the trust can eventually make its way back into our relationship. I was encouraged by that desire as my intensity to diligently work on myself increased tremendously. I wanted freedom, and she knew it. As long I remained committed to seeking God for freedom, her hope in restoration through God remained a focal point in our marriage, especially for me. And, it’s still a focal point to this day!
I know I’m probably speaking to a lot of men out there that are struggling with these and similar issues or concerns. My desire is to reach out to you and share with you that God wants to bring you to a place in your life and marriage where honesty and transparency can be a part of you. God, through His Word, the Bible, and His Holy Spirit, will guide you unto truth because He is the Way, the Truth, and the Life (John 14:6). Our wives are a part of us. When we hurt they hurt; when they hurt we hurt. We are one. No man ever wants to hurt himself, so why would we want to hurt our wives? Let honesty and transparency become a part of your character. Your wife desires that and so does God. He loves us too much to let us continue therein.
So, men, if you really want to help your wife heal from your mistakes and irregular behaviors, try honesty and transparency. It’s worked for me, even to this day!

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What Our Wives Desire in Us as Husbands

Posted by Men of Redemption on October 3, 2011

OUR WEEKLY ARTICLE OF ENCOURAGEMENT

VOLUME 11 ARTICLE 54 Oct. 2011

What Our Wives Desire in Us as Husbands

Okay. So here we are working on trying to be the best husband that we can be. It’s a struggle at times because if we aren’t thinking correctly, or placing ourselves under the obedience of our divine leader and advisor Jesus Christ, it will continue to be a struggle. And that is always a choice in this life. No one is subjected to anyone unless you choose to be, and that subjection could to anyone or anything. WOW! Sounds like another topic for a future article, anyway . . .
But as husbands one of the goals we have is to please our wives as best we can. We as husbands might say, “Trying to be a husband, a father and raise kids can be tough on a guy! And then with working 40+ hours a week to add to it!”
Yes, it can be rough on us at times; didn’t we understand or count the costs before we got married? Shouldn’t we have discussed this with our fiancé (now our wives) months before we asked her for her hand in marriage? And what about pre-marital counseling? Those of us who were privileged to have that opportunity did we take it serious? And let’s not forget to mention did we have the discussion of family and goals for that family legacy. I know it’s a lot. And many of our situations were not as blessed as others. But does that mean we can’t stop where we’re at in our marriages and begin to answer those questions? No, it doesn’t! And let’s not forget all about the “issues” or “mess” we brought into the marriage that we didn’t take of before we got married. Let’s remember one thing: this article isn’t about husbands and all of our faults. It’s about looking at us as Men of God, and identifying areas in our lives and marriage where we can improve, and become stronger and wiser by allowing God to intervene and bring healing. So let’s do this!

I went back to the beginning for the purpose of bringing understanding to all of our marriages: it’s never too late to start being the husband God desires us to be and the husband our wives desire us to be. If we work at trying to be all that God wants us to be as husbands, our wife’s prayers are answered. Some of us are trying hard but our efforts are discouraged by outside influences like other marriages that aren’t like-minded, peer pressure from family, career demands, general expectations (what we were told about marriage by our parents or other couples) and many others.

The only opinion and direction that should matter is what God desires in us and for us. Our wives are praying daily that we just do the basics of being a good husband: being lead by God, providing security in the relationship with one another, and being the father of our children in all aspects of their lives without selfishness interfering. That’s really not a lot to ask for. And if your heart is willing this act of commitment can become a part of your life, not an actual chore.
Many of us are familiar with Ephesians 5:25, “Husbands, love your wives just as Christ loved the church and gave Himself for her.” This verse says so much from God’s perspective that it could a chapter by itself.
My wife told me years ago, “I’m not asking you to give me the world, just attempt to be all that God desires you to be.” I heard her but it didn’t resonate in me then as it truly does now. During that time I was hearing her but I wasn’t listening to her heart. Her desire for me is to grow in wisdom and guidance of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ! She wasn’t interested in what I could buy her. She wasn’t interested in where I could take her in the world. Although those things are nice when they are understood with proper purpose and no selfishness involved, our focus should be on what God wants. And that’s precisely what our wives desire in us as husbands.
Loving our wives require total commitment. We should desire our wives and only them. When we do they will know it because our actions show that we do, not just our words. So even though our intentions are honorable, sometimes we communicate to our wives the wrong message and things get misinterpreted.
One of the things I try to incorporate in my own marriage is spending time with the Lord in devotion and prayer. I can’t lead my marriage or family if I’m not taking time out daily, yes daily, seeking and communicating with the Lord. When I’m spending time with God, that time of refreshing and anointing will pour out into my marriage and throughout my family. This is another of the things that they desire in us. Being everything God wants for us as men helps solidifies the marriage relationship and gives foundation to the home. Who wants to follow a man who doesn’t know where he’s going!
When my wife and I pray together and it’s her turn to pray, she always asks God to bless me with understanding and wisdom, and bring clarity to my mind. I understand what she’s asking God: to fill me with His guidance and knowledge to become the man He wants me to be. And I truly believe that this is the prayer of all wives whose husband are trying to be obedient to the Lord. Obedience brings humbleness, and humbleness brings understanding. Our wives aren’t angry or frustrated at us as much as we think they are. They’re just praying that we submit ourselves unto the obedience of Christ and lead as we follow Christ in all things in life. In doing so, our wives are comforted in knowing that their husbands are following Christ. This is what our wives desire in us. All we need to do is submit to God every area of our lives and allow Him to give us wisdom and direction. And if we remain consistent, the fruit of that labor will overflow onto and into our wives, which in essence will fill them with joy, peace, and a comforting sense of security. Can we do this? Yes we can! Help your wife understand by submitting yourselves unto the obedience of Christ in all things. He’ll lead you and your marriage to everlasting heights you’ve never seen.

Men of Redemption 2011

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