Men of Redemption

Restoring a Life of Purity -One Day at a Time

Wounded Parents, Wounded Children

Posted by Men of Redemption on February 27, 2012

Our Weekly Article of Encouragement Article 75 Volume 2

Wounded Parents, Wounded Children

Growing up as a child our parents began instilling in us morals and values that they believed would mold us into becoming good, honest and understanding adults. Many of us were nurtured closely while a lot of us just grew into the character that we’ve developed into based on our environments and what we were surrounded by. Then there were those of us who were influenced by society, and we’ve adopted the mentality that this is the way life is suppose to be. Looking at the influence our parents have had in our lives, we can say that they really tried to do the best they could. But little do we understand that our parents may have had some issues and concerns of their own that just might have influenced us in a not so positive manner. If we take some time and really look at ourselves, we’ll find that we all have similar tendencies of our parents that are laced with anger, habitual behaviors, discouragement, fear, and many other deficiencies that entangled our character and upbringing. These deficiencies have played a huge part in many of our lives and have stayed with us over the years. They have embedded themselves within our demeanor and for some reason that’s what we identify ourselves with. Some of our parents have harbored hurts for years and have not sought help for healing of those hurts. They assumed that the hurts would go away in time as they live life and pour themselves into their children. But little do they understand that when those hurts are addressed and dealt with, they transfer inadvertently those hurt through their actions and behaviors, good or bad, onto their children, and the children become prone to same hurts and behaviors in their own lives. I’d like to look at this in some detail because what our parents have gone through in their own lives is, in essence, a direct reflection as to why a lot of us are dealing with, and going through some of the same issues and concerns in life today.

If we look closely at our own lives we carefully see our Mom, our Dad, maybe even some relatives and close friends, in each of our personalities and character. And some of us may not be happy with some of these character traits but that’s what we allowed ourselves to be influenced by. Some of you may say “Well, I didn’t have a choice” and others may proclaim “They weren’t bad people, but I just made some bad choices in who I let be in my life!” I’m not trying to paint a picture of excuses but there has to come a point in our lives where we recognize that we are really living a life of hurts and behaviors that had nothing to do with us, but passed onto us through our parents. That doesn’t make our parent “bad” people or misguided. This helps us understand why we are so much alike in some character traits.

Now I don’t want to forget those whose parents instilled some good qualities in some of us and it’s made a tremendous difference in our lives as successful and foundationally stable. Praise God for those parents. But there are a lot of us who are not as fortunate. And I haven’t mentioned anything about the negative traits of our parents that gravely have affected a lot of us, not only growing up as children but even today in our adult lives.

“‘Ah, Lord GOD! Behold, You have made the heavens and the earth by Your great power and outstretched arm. There is nothing too hard for you. You show lovingkindness to thousands, and repay the iniquity of the fathers into the bosom of their children after them—the Great, the Mighty God, whose name is the LORD of hosts. You are great in counsel and mighty in work, for Your eyes are open to all the ways of the sons of men, to give everyone according to his ways and according to the fruit of his doings.”

Jeremiah 32:17-19

As adults today, we can’t look back and say that our parents are the blame for the way we turned out. No. If we know that our parents, the guardians that reared us growing up, influenced and shaped us wrongly, we have the understanding now to change that perspective, and make sure that our children don’t inherit those very same tendencies and iniquities. Yes, I said iniquities! What are iniquities? Well, the dictionary states that iniquity is “a violation of right or duty; wicked act; sin.”
Now, I know that sounds a little harsh but when we look at some of the hurts that our parents have experienced it could very well be due to some type of sin in their lives, not just from their individual lives but passed on to them from their parents! So you see how these hurts and behaviors have been carried on into families, and many of us don’t even realize it. These character traits are called generational curses, because that’s what they are, curses. Every generation has something, someone that has established some type of violation, sin, character defects that have infiltrated generations as far back as one can remember. We understand our parents intentions were honorable but attached to that upbringing could have included character defects that “latched” onto personality, mindset, thinking, as well as spiritual awareness.
Please don’t misunderstand the dynamics of what I’m saying. It’s not about casting blame or looking at our parents any differently. It’s about becoming aware of who we are and what we can do to ensure that our children and our grandchildren don’t repeat the same mistakes and hurts that we have experienced. We want to break the cycle of these hurts, these behaviors and sins so that they will have an opportunity not to go through what our forefathers and mothers experienced. Our children deserve the right to grow up with the very best we can provide for them, and that includes looking at our lives and saying we are going to do the very best we can as parents and encourage them to live life with pain or sorrows or hurts passed on from us. How can we do this to ensure our children of this so-called very best life without the hurts? It starts with us recognizing our deficiencies and character defects as individuals and parents.

“For years I was swayed by uncertainty and bad decision making, and it affected me into my adult life as well. But thank God I realized before too late that I needed to change those defects if I wanted my girls to have a decent life and an opportunity to be successful.”

Looking at myself, I recognized, and learned that my father had many character defects that shaped into a person I was not really proud of. For years I was swayed by uncertainty and bad decision making, and it affected me into my adult life as well. But thank God I realized before too late that I needed to change those defects if I wanted my girls to have a decent life and an opportunity to be successful. I sought help by working with people that had what I wanted: wisdom, peace, integrity, accountability, spiritual guidance as well as experience in raising and nurturing children from God’s perspective. I asked them to pour into me daily, weekly, however I could receive it. They did. And after applying that knowledge, trusting God for His wisdom and guidance through them, the very fruits of that labor have spilled over into my daughters’ lives and we’re reaping that harvest now. I am truly grateful every day that God gives me life for the decision to not keep this generational curse going forward in my family. Some of you may be happy with the way things have turned out with your children. You may feel you’ve done a good job already because your children, now adults, and doing well, have exceeded expectation. Hallelujah! Praise the Lord! But what about those who are trying to find their way? What about those who lack the intestinal fortitude and strength to step into that destiny and secure their right to make change in their own generation? Here are some scriptures that can help you gain some understanding in preparing your children not be put in the position to continuing those character defects into their lives.

“In the fear of the LORD there is strong confidence, and His children will have a place
of refuge.” Proverbs 14:26

“Children’s children are the crown of old men, and the glory of children is their father.”

Proverbs 17:6

“The righteous man walks in his integrity; His children are blessed after him.”
Proverbs 20:7

“Behold, children are a heritage from the LORD, The fruit of the womb is a reward.”
Psalms 127:3

I encourage you my friends to look at your efforts and really examine if what you’re doing for and in your children is not laced, or infiltrated, or disguised as innocent intent. It could be that our children may be carrying burdens that they should be. Pray for your children daily, and lift them up unto the Lord. Ask God to watch over them daily, and to keep His protection and guidance around them, no matter how old they are! You are, and will always be Mom and Dad, no matter what they go through. But you’ll always be remembered for what you did for them, in them, and through them. Leave a lasting legacy those generations will read about this decision that you made, to stop the pain, to stop the hurts, and to stop the behaviors. God will be pleased you did!

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