Men of Redemption

Restoring a Life of Purity -One Day at a Time

What Are You Saying or Speaking Over Your Marriage?

Posted by Men of Redemption on November 17, 2014

wordsHave you ever said something to someone and hurt their feelings? Or how about ever making a comment about something that the person or persons to whom it was directed towards received it in such a manner that it affected how they look at you? The things we say to one another can have a positive and/or negative effect on those we speak with. Most of the time when we’re talking with others, we get so wrapped up in the moment of speaking or talking that we really don’t hear what’s coming out of our mouths, and once the words are out we can’t take them back. It’s really damaging when the receiving person or persons heard us clearly and wonder “What did you say?” So many times during the course of the day we tend to forget that people do listen to the words that are coming out of our mouths, how we are saying them and the tone in which they were spoken. Yeah, some of you might be thinking ” Awww, I didn’t mean it that way”; “Grow up. That’s the way it is in life so don’t be so sensitive!”; What I meant was . . . ”

Well, it has been proven that the average male speaks 40,000 words a day and the female speak 60,000. No, this isn’t an article about women/male bashing. This is about bringing some understanding to what our words are doing to others, our spouses and those we interact with on a daily basis. With so many things to say daily, it’s a wonder we don’t stop and listen to ourselves. But my focus is on this; what does God’s Word say about the words we speak.

“And the tongue is a fire, a world of iniquity. The tongue is so set among our members that it defiles the whole body, and sets on fire the course of nature; and it is set on fire by hell.”  –  JAMES 3:6

Our words can cause emotional, mental and even spiritual damage to those speak with and to those we love. Let’s not take a passive approach to this topic because this very same concern is causing more and more marriages and relationships to divorce and dissolve before they even get started, even afterwards. God’s word clearly state how affected our words can be. Sometimes we take what we say to people for granted, assuming they understand what we’re saying or they “know us” kind of approach. We don’t know what that person is or has gone through that day or in his or her life about how people speak to them.

yellingFor instance, you may someone who has always been degraded by the words of their mother of father growing up. They were called names, verbally abused in every sense of the word. They get into their adult lives and they hear the same thing, people getting treated the same way. Fear and intimidation can set in, affecting them to move forward in opportunity for advancement; causing them to not be able to confront things or issues. Our words have that kind of effect on people! We may never see it or hear about it, but there are so many people who have this problem because of what has happened to them in the past.


In a marriage, it’s so critical how as to how speak to our spouses. Sure, we love them with all our hearts. But what about the times when they say something that upsets us and we’re not prepared to receive it? Yes, marriages do have issues, every marriage does, and it is a part of marriage. But how we address those issues and concerns in the manner of our words is key to resolution. Name-calling and disrespect are not words we ought to use in resolving problems or issues. When talking with our spouses we ought to speak life, peace and understanding into and over them as fitting for the edification of strength and glory to God.

In church, we worship and praise God with our mouths. We sings hymns and songs of adoration, lifting up His Holy Name with our words. But what does God’s Word say regarding our words . . . “With it(our tonguewe bless our God and Father, and with it we curse men, who have been made in the similitude of God. Out of the same mouth proceed blessing and cursing. My brethren, these things ought not to be so(James 3:9, 10). So do we ever wonder how God looks at us when we are like this in communing with Him?

It goes across the whole spectrum of life as we live it. Our words have power and influence over others in a positive and negative way. Are you paying attention to what’s coming out of your mouth? Did you ever thing that maybe because of what we say, it’s maybe something within us that’s triggering the words that are leaving our faces? Could be! What about you? Are you speaking life into others? Have you seriously taken notice as to what you’re saying to your spouse on a daily basis regardless what he or she has said or done? Let’s be mindful of what we say to others, and allow God and His Holy Spirit to give us the words to say and share with others. Let’s put God’s Word into our hearts and let that word be the words coming from within. It’s powerful and can do a lot more than we could ever do. our words


“For the word of God is living and powerful, and sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing even to the division of soul and spirit, and of joints and marrow, and is a discerner of the thoughts and intents of the heart.”  –  HEBREWS 4:12


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