Men of Redemption

Restoring a Life of Purity – One Day at a Time

A Writer’s Thoughts On . . . .

Posted by Men of Redemption on April 6, 2016

Writer's thoughts



My thoughts on . . . . Real Relationship, Pt. II 

Previously I shared about the establishing of real relationship with the emphasis centered around transparency and honesty. Now the flip side of the coin, and some of you may not agree with me but that’s okay. After understanding about the process of real relationship, we have to look at the other side-those that are unhealthy and toxic. I see many men, and women, allow themselves to be involved in friendships and relationships that have no substance, no purpose or value. Let me make this as clear as I know how: everyone is not purposed in your life to be your friend forever! Each of us have a purpose, a mission in life to connect with us. Whatever that purpose is-to build you up, to bring encouragement, to bring a word from God to your situations, to be a friend that you need for that specific moment, and so on. Yeah, I know some may say “Well, I’ve known this person for over 25 years and we’re still good friends.” Yes, that may and still can be true. But after 25 years plus, do you still have the same value systems? Are your purposes in life the same as they were when you first met? Don’t get me wrong, I’m not against long-lasting friendships, but we have to evaluate our friendships based on progression, especially if you’re moving forward in life.

I still have friends from over 40 years ago, and if I see them we’re cordial and respectful to each other. But now, as a child of God, and involved in of ministry of healing and reconciliation through recovery, my purpose and involvement with people has changed, and I see things and relationships a little differently than I have previously. No, I haven’t kicked anyone to the curb as far as friendship goes, but I do not allow myself to fall back into the “relationship” we had before. My focus in life has changed, my desire now is to help people, especially men who struggle with sexual integrity issues, and help bring them hope and understanding to overcome these struggles of life. My friends of old have a different purpose as well, but that doesn’t mean we’re still not friends. I’ve learned over the course of my life that friends play a major part in the development of my character and how I see life. I’m thankful and blessed to have them in my life. But I want to continue to move forward in my purpose and plan that God has for me and that will mean moving on from past relationships. I do explain to them the reasons or reasons why I have chosen to move on, and that mutual understanding between friend. We accept one another’s intentions and respectfully go our way. But we must be careful not try to bring them into our purpose if they have a purpose of their own. And looking at the down side of this topic, the toxic part is allowing those who were negative influences in our life but we still want to hold onto that relationship regardless because we’ve known them for most of our life. Sure we can forgive them, but what’s going on in their lives today, 20-25 years later? Are they healthy and moving forward in life? Do they have a relationship with God and what are their goals and aspirations in life? Are they the same, similar or indifferent than yours? These are some questions we need to ask ourselves when engage in relationship building or relationship progression. I realize this may be hard for some to understand, given that most people tend to hold on to past relationships because of its longevity and friendly substance. I perfectly understand that. For me, I look at where I’m going, the direction God is taking me, the doors that He is opening for me for my purpose in serving Him, and moving forward without looking back. If they are the friends that they say they are, they will encourage me, pray for me, and hope the very best for me in all that I set out to do and likewise for them from me.

Just some thoughts from a brother who has a passion for people, desiring that everyone come unto the saving knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ, and know that He has a plan, a purpose for every human being to fulfill with His leading and guiding. Just saying . . . .


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