Men of Redemption

Restoring a Life of Purity – One Day at a Time

A Writer’s Thoughts On . . . .

Posted by Men of Redemption on April 21, 2016

Writer's thoughts



My Thoughts on . . . .  Dating During Recovery. 

This has been a conversational peace since I can remember. You have a guy in recovery dating a young lady who is also in recovery. Is there something wrong with that picture? It appears like the ideal situation; both are doing positive things for themselves to enhance their lives individually; both are seeking help in maintaining a life that will work out for himself/herself; and they both are confident that what they are doing in recovery will stabilize and benefit future relationships. Doesn’t sound like anything is wrong or misinterpreted. It would seem like the both of them are focused, headed in the right direction, especially if they are looking forward to progressively pursue a deeper relationship with one another. Yes, there’s nothing like true, honest intentions for those who are in agreement. But that just an example for the “ideal” couple. What about the couples who are not in agreement, who are not pursuing the same focus, who are not actively seeking recovery with a hidden agenda just to make it “appear” as though they are? There are some out there in that disguise.

What I’ve learned about dating during recovery is that most experts conclude that dating while in recovery, especially if there is conversation or discussion of a more serious relationship, should be placed on hold until each individual is further along in his/her recovery. Why? Because while each person is in recovery, there is the opportunity for distraction, emotionally and physically, despite being in different classes or groups. Depending on that person’s needs for recovery, you could have the issues affecting one directly affecting the other in more ways than one. Even though their mindset may say they are there for individual help, their behavior outside of group may display another concern, and can escalate rather quickly if not guarded. I tend to agree with the experts because I see, and understand their reasoning behind this train wreck waiting to happen. I’ve learned that when you have two people in this situation such as this, there tends to be discord on which way the relationship should or ought to go. And if one individual is progressing in their recovery faster and more efficiently than the other, one is left behind and the other wants to or will forsake his/her recovery no matter where they are for the sake of the relationship. This is why most experts agree with the fact that dating is recovery is not conducive for anyone in recovery until they both have reach a level healthy mental and spiritual understanding in their life. And what’s even more of a concern is whether or not they both have someone whom they are accountable to in recovery that has monitored their progressions to see if in fact they are ready for such a giant step into a deeper relationship. No matter how much you care for another individual who is in recovery, they should always want that person to receive all the assistance and help they’re after, stay connected and focused, as well as the same for his/her friend. I see how this can be a distraction and a strain on a couple in recovery. But if the couple would come into agreement at the beginning of their recovery, put some boundaries in place to protect the relationship from distraction, then continue to pursue their recoveries with their whole hearts, they will eventually get there and experience a true, new revelation of real relationship and transparency. There’s nothing better than two individuals who have pursued healthy living, making the necessary adjustments in their lives and then having a clear conscious to see each other as God would want them to see each other as He sees them.

Just some thoughts from a brother that strongly encourages the betterment of relationship with pro-active behaviors to bring out the very best in individuals and couples for the glory of God. Sometimes we have to do what we don’t want to do to get the blessing from God that we truly need. I know in the end, it’ll all be worth it. Just saying . . . .



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