Men of Redemption

Restoring a Life of Purity – One Day at a Time


Posted by Men of Redemption on May 23, 2017



“I’ve made some mistakes in my marriage and I hurt my wife pretty badly. I betrayed her by my infidelity and my  promiscuous behaviors. I apologized to her and told her how sorry I am for doing this. She told me to get some help for my problem or we’re done. I don’t think I have a problem because it only happened twice. I told her that I stopped this behavior but she insists that I get some help. I don’t want to lose my marriage over this so what should I do?”

First of all, I applaud you for being open and honest about your infidelity and addictive behaviors. That’s the first step, breaking the denial barrier and taking ownership of your actions. You need to understand something at the beginning of this situation-your wife didn’t ask for this or deserve this. She is the innocent victim in this tragedy and never saw it coming. When you broke your marriage vows, you severed an intimate connection that violated her trust in you at the deepest levels of her soul. You were the only person in life she felt secure in on this planet, that’s how deep this violation goes. The fact that she insisted that you get some help is something you should not take for granted despite that you feel you don’t have a problem. She’s really saying to you that she still believes in you and that you are a good person despite your infidelity. If I were you, and you still want your marriage, I’d seek out some help as soon as possible before she ultimately and rightfully walk away from you because she has every right to. But you have been given some grace, some mercy, to find some help and get yourself together before this behavior gets worse. You say you’ve stopped doing this behavior but most assuredly this behavior wasn’t something that just popped up when you got married. You probably brought these behaviors into your marriage and disguised them under the “I won’t do it again” compartment. But you never really dealt with the problem which you believe isn’t a problem. You started the acknowledgment and ownership process sincerely, but you need to continue that process by confessing it and repenting to God, and allowing Him to forgive you of those indiscretions. Then I might add that you should seek some help or counseling regarding those behaviors before they arise again and cause more devastation. Getting some help will help you identify those areas where you may have some hurts or wounds you have not dealt with from your past, which may have caused you to act out. Infidelity was a symptom of the real problem you medicated yourself with so that you won’t have to deal with them. Addressing those concerns will enable you see yourself for who you really are and not someone who is hurting with nowhere to turn. But you have to ask yourself what are you willing to do for your marriage? Don’t allow the shame and guilt of what you’ve done in the past keep you from getting the help you need to preserve your life and marriage for the future. Go get that help my friend, and be honest and transparent moving forward from this day forward.


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