Men of Redemption

Restoring a Life of Purity – One Day at a Time

WHAT’S YOUR QUESTION ON RECOVERY?

Posted by Men of Redemption on June 5, 2017

My Question is . . . .

 

“My husband is currently in recovery working out some addictive behaviors we’ve discovered recently. I hate him for what he has done to me and our children. But I’m struggling with how do I, and how can I deal with this because I’m wondering if I did anything to bring this on. Is there help for me in understanding this?     

This is a great question and I hope there are wives reading this question because this is where so many wives are. First of all, THIS NOT IS YOUR FAULT! You didn’t cause those behaviors to happen. There was nothing you did or could’ve done to make or encourage your husband to do what he did. The reason for that is it was a choice to do what he did. Chances are your husband probably brought those behaviors into the marriage. He probably was struggling with them before he met you, and he thought either marriage or an active “sexual relationship” with you would make them go away. Knowing this now, I would encourage you to begin to seek out some mature women whom you respect and talk to them about what you have experienced with this. I will add that those mature women ought to be God-fearing women who have been through some things, maybe even what you’ve experienced, so that you could relate to their struggles and what they did to bring some understanding to their situations. Then I would suggest that you look for and seek out a strong women’s support group that ministers, supports and walks alongside you in this experience. It’s one thing to talk and share about your experiences, but after the talking is done you still need that offline support when you have to begin to move forward and face the reality of what has happened because the problem is still there. It’s not going to go away because  you still have to face what has been done until you get some understanding, as well as healing for yourself. You’re angry, hurt, betrayed, and you never saw this coming. Yes, your husband is getting the help he needs in a good support group but with you being the victim in this, you need support and encouragement to help you process it and how you need to move forward in your life and your marriage. I do want to encourage you to pray for your husband as he continues to get the help he needs. As you begin to receive your encouragement, understanding about this issue, I believe God will minister to your heart and bring that understanding as well as wisdom. It’s so easy for a wife to take to open door and say “I’m out” or “I’m done” because she would be responding out of anger. That would be the wrong thing to do. But getting some wisdom and support, and really looking at the real root of the problem together with your husband will help both of you bring the understanding to this problem, and getting the right help will help bring some resolution. It’s not going to happen over night, but when you make that decision, that choice to move in this direction it’s not going make a huge difference in your marriage, your life but also in your legacy as well.

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