Men of Redemption

Restoring a Life of Purity – One Day at a Time

WHAT’S YOUR QUESTION ABOUT RECOVERY?

Posted by Men of Redemption on June 20, 2017

MY QUESTION IS . . . .

“I feel I’m doing really well in my recovery group, as I’ve seen a lot of growth from where I used to be. It’s been nearly seven months of sobriety and I’m very encouraged as I move forward. Because of that growth, I’d like to have disclosure with my wife, sharing with her to know everything I’ve done to her in my addictive behaviors. Is this a good time to begin this process or should I wait?

Thank you for honesty and courage in sharing where you are in your recovery. That confession does show that you’re moving in the right direction. The answer to your question-WAIT. I truly understand your desire to be open and transparent with your wife, which is one of the goals we ought to pursue while in recovery, but we need to understand the sensitivity side of having disclosure. It’s good that you’re very proud of where you are in your journey, and keep up the good work. But seven months is not nearly enough time of sobriety to even consider disclosure. At this stage in your recovery you’re probably still working on some deep issues-trauma, hurts for the past, identifying those issues that have prohibited you from moving forward in life, as well as maybe some relationship concerns. I wholeheartedly understand you wanting to further the process of disclosure as you gain more confidence and healing in your recovery, but it’s also about understanding where your wife is emotionally, mentally and spiritually. If she has not received or have been receiving any support while you’re doing your recovery, that means that she’s still harboring that pain, that broken trust, with nowhere to turn or get help herself. Sometimes as men in recovery we can get so excited about our progress, but we tend to forget that the very person who was the recipient of the collateral damage we’ve cause with our behaviors was our wives. As we progress, we need to keep in mind our wives, what we’ve put them through, and all that they had incurred because of our problems. How do we do that? Communicate with your wife. Talk to her about what you’ve learned about what you’re struggling with. Let her know that you’re trying to understand the root cause of your problem so that it doesn’t happen ever again! Support her in helping her understand the process you’re going through in recovery. As you continue to progress, you pray that God will minister and send some God-fearing women who have been through this struggle to give her the support she really needs from a woman’s perspective. She needs to know that she isn’t alone and that this was not her fault. So waiting a while, I’d say at least a good year maybe a year and half depending on the severity of your situation, would be great time to take a look at disclosure and assess where you both are at that time. It’s not about when you’re ready-it’s about when YOU BOTH are ready. There is a lot more involve when considering disclosure. So again, I would wait and make sure your wife has had some support, healing, accountability and understanding before moving forward. Don’t be in a rush. It will only make things worst.

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