Men of Redemption

Restoring a Life of Purity -One Day at a Time

Regaining Trust While In Recovery

Posted by Men of Redemption on December 15, 2017


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I see so many  guys struggle with forgiveness because of the shame and guilt they’ve faced over the years. They actually believe how can someone forgive them for the wrong they’ve done in betraying the one person whom they have declared and proclaim to the world that they love more than anything in life! When these guys look it from that perspective, the people they’ve spoken that declaration to, and the commitment they vowed to stand by, forgiveness just seems to have run out the back door of their lives. It’s just not likely to happen for them. But I’m here to tell you guys-it can happen! Being forgiven is probably one of the truest, most sincere statements a loving and caring individual can muster up because it’s coming from the heart. We men in recovery who have betrayed our spouses can’t even build up the courage to look our spouses in the eyes, let alone speak to them face-to-face  about anything when shame and guilt dominates our lives. But they don’t have to! We can change that stigma by beginning to learn to first forgive ourselves.

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It’s natural to feel bad because of what we’ve done to our spouses. Conviction has its ways of making that happen. But we need to first acknowledge the hurt we’ve caused our spouses. Really understand what the pain has done to them not just on the outside but on the inside-the heart! We find that out by beginning to talk to our spouses about how they’re feeling about what we’ve done. Begin to share with her that you know what you’ve done is wrong, that you’ve broken those promises and those vows of celibacy to her, and that you are truly sorry. Begin also to tell her that you’re working on forgiving yourself, knowing that you’re a better man than that and  you are working on proving that to her for the rest of your life. We must allow God to come in and change, to transform our hearts to understand her, our spouse, and that we are trying and will work diligently to be more sensitive and aware to her feelings, needs, and compassion. As we spend quality time communicating with our spouse, she will begin to see our hearts turn for the better as God grabs a hold of us and opens our hearts to loving her for who she is to us-our helpmate, God’s daughter and our wife! When we begin to forgive ourselves we can start to move forward in knowing we don’t have to live in regret the rest of our lives. God will comfort us and help us to forgive ourselves. He will give us the strength needed to overcome guilt and shame because he overcome them with His blood when He died on Calvary’s Cross.

So begin to learn to forgive yourself. Yes, we hurt our spouses in the worst way, and the pain may be there for a while. But as we continue to work on forgiving ourselves, seeking God’s forgiveness and allowing Him  to transform our hearts and turn it towards our spouse, this will help us and our wives move towards regaining trust with consistency and a committed focus. It may take a while but oh the joy of knowing that our spouse can and will see the true man of God when He is in total and complete control of our lives.



One Response to “Regaining Trust While In Recovery”

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