Men of Redemption

Restoring a Life of Purity – One Day at a Time

Posts Tagged ‘accountability’


Posted by Men of Redemption on June 14, 2017



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Posted by Men of Redemption on June 13, 2017


“I’m struggling with accountability. I know accountability is crucial to the entire process but I just can’t seem to get into the habit of calling the guys in my group when I never really called guys before. It’s always been women I’ve called. How do I get pass this?”

Understanding and relational development is the key to accountability. If you belong to a group that has strong accountability practices, and they follow through in those practices consistently, you will begin to understand why there is a need to have other men in your life with purpose. While most men were in their “mess” – (this is what we called their addictive behaviors) those of us who acted out with women, they were our initial and immediate contacts. So whenever we got the desire we’d always call women. Now that you’re in recovery, and you have made a conscious decision to allow God to change and transform your mind and heart, God will also strengthen you to understand that we need Men of God in our lives to help us, to strengthen us and to mentor us as we move forward in our recovery. We have to eradicate the desire to “run” to women when we want to act out-instead, we need to persevere and run to our brothers, Men of God, who are there for our support and guidance to help us, to prevent us from falling again to the prey of women.

“As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another.”  –  Proverbs 27:17

When we begin to understand why Godly men are important to our recoveries, and God has impressed upon your heart that having that relationship with them is paramount, then you’ll see their importance in and for your life. Reaching out to other men will gradually erase, and eventually eradicate your desire to contact women for pleasure altogether because you’re going to develop purpose with these Men of God, and this is called relationship. Most men in recovery never had a brother or brothers that they could talk to or bond with on a personal level. Yeah, you have guys who you talk sports, politics and women about. But where are the men when you’re hurting or have been hurt; when you need to confide in someone over a heart issue, or when you want to talk to a brother about your struggles with addictive behaviors? Where are those guys when you really need them? Accountability helps you to develop relationship exactly for this purpose. You can get pass this by opening yourself up totally to accountability, developing relationship with Men of God who will encourage you, who will pray with and for you through your struggles and walk alongside you in your journey. That’s how you can get pass your struggle my friend.

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Posted by Men of Redemption on June 2, 2017


“How do I know if I’m in the right recovery group? I’ve been to a couple different groups and it seems like they are all the same. How do I know if the one I’m going to now is the one that’s really for me?

To find out if the group that you belong to is the best for you, look for three things that will assure you that you’re in the right place: Curriculum, Group Dynamics, and Accountability.

Curriculum –

What kind of curriculum are they using for the group? There are a lot of groups out there that use various books, studies, certain programs that are geared to support group setting. But I find that having a curriculum that is designed to help you identify and understand the root causes of your issues will work best. Some curriculums work with you and take you back into your past life to help identify the introduction to addictive behaviors, trauma issues, pains, and other issues that we have allowed to infiltrate our lives and lead to destructive behaviors. See if the curriculum addresses those issues, give examples, and then show you what and how you can begin to put things in place so that you can get healing from them and move forward in your life.

Group Dynamics –

Look to see if your group has consistent protocol and high levels of confidentiality. This is very important in selecting a good group for your needs and understanding. When looking at Group Dynamics, see if the group starts on time; does the Facilitator/Director have a vision, a mission statement for the group; does the group have purpose and direction; and with the curriculum it has and uses what is it that they are preparing me for as my healing progresses when I complete the curriculum. These things play a major factor in you understanding who you are in Christ, your purpose in this life, and what is God preparing you to do when it’s time for you to leave the group.

Accountability –

This is the one thing you should be looking for first and foremost. Without Accountability, there is no success in any support group without it! Besides the curriculum and the group dynamics, you need to know and see how accountability looks and works amongst the group itself in order in order to know they have it and it’s working successfully. Is there phone calls required? Do the guys have opportunity to engage in meeting outside the group if they choose to? Can you contact someone, a group leader anytime of the day or night should you need to due to an emergency or in case you relapse? And what type of relapse prevention criteria do they have to help you stay accountable and on course? All these questions need to be answered and considered if you are serious about your recovery and moving forward in life.

So if you are unsure about the support you belong to, ask yourself these questions and see if the your present group is giving you what you’re looking for in a group. If any of these are not present, maybe it’s time you consider looking for a group that’s addressing these concerns, with consistency I might add. These three areas are so important to your recovery that attending any group without them is surely to delay, even interrupt all progress made in a person’s recovery without fail. Looking at the very first support group [Jesus and His Disciples]; they knew their Curriculum(The Living Word), Group Dynamics(Follow Him, Pray, Transparency), Accountability(Being together, talking to one another about everything), this is what you should be looking for in a support group.


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Posted by Men of Redemption on May 31, 2017


“I’ve been going to my support group consistently for the last eight to nine months and have seen tremendous progress in my recovery. But my wife says she doesn’t think I’m doing enough. She says she doesn’t see me doing certain things but I am doing everything I’m suppose to. How can I convince her that I’m doing the right things?

It’s not about convincing your wife that you’re doing everything you’re suppose to; It’s about trusting God that He will enable you to do everything He desires you to do and then your wife will be convinced. So many men get crossed up in their recovery efforts thing that if they’re doing everything and their wives see them doing it that’s going to be okay. That’s clearly a sign that you are doomed to fail in all of your efforts. We men in recovery don’t do our recovery to appease our wives, to make them happy. We do recovery because we want healing, we want to walk in freedom, and we want God’s grace and mercy to overwhelm us by His power and might. That means it’s nothing that you or I can do but what God is and will do through His Holy Spirit to bring change and transformation into our lives. Yes, your wife is watching you and every move you make. But don’t feel like you’re being interrogated or put on trial(although that how many men feel). Don’t allow your focus or your reaction to your wife dictate your recovery efforts. Trust God, trust the curriculum and all the efforts of your support group to lead you and guide as move forward in your journey. When we stop and see what others think or get their opinions, it prohibits our focus, our intentionality of perseverance, we tend to stop and inadvertently delay all of our efforts by wondering, contemplating if what we’re doing is right. These are tricks of the enemy attempting to distract us, to demobilize us from staying on course. And he will use the very ones dearest to us to convince us of this to make it seem legitimate. That’s why accountability is so important in our journey. We need to reach out to our accountability cord and talk to our brothers about this very thing and other things when we feel trapped or tied up in our recovery. You’re not being disrespectful to your wife. Her expectations are always going to be wanting more from you until she sees God get a hold of you and when He does . . . . then she will be convinced that what you are doing is enough! But it doesn’t stop there! Once God get a hold of you, you’ll need to all God to strengthen you to remain consistent in all your recovery efforts every day, not just on days where your wife sees you or pays attention to you. She’s watching you everyday, but so is God. Concern yourself about convincing God, then your wife will be convinced by God and know that you are doing enough.

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Posted by Men of Redemption on May 25, 2017


“I’ve been in recovery now for about a year now, and I believe I’m moving forward with my life with the changes that I have made. The support group I belong to has some requirements that include the guys in our group calling each other once or twice a week, sometimes more. There are five guys in my group so that’s anywhere from 5-10 calls a week from them. Are all these calls really necessary?

The purpose for the calls are connected to what most support groups call Accountability. Accountability is very important in recovery, especially when the man or woman has self-esteem issues, isolation concerns, or has trouble connecting with others. Every opportunity a group has to stay connected with a brother assures him that his group cares about him in every area of his life besides when they meet during group sessions. As a matter of fact, especially when he is away from the group, those six days until the next time they meet again is crucial because he is mostly doing life by himself, with no accountability, no one to encourage or help him or her make critical decisions about important matters. He or she is literally alone with no one to refer to. Now this doesn’t mean that they are incapable of making their own decisions by no means! Some brothers and sisters just need that support, that call that comes unexpected when they need it; that call when they’re facing a challenging situation and they’re about to do something they’ll probably regret; that call when they face a situation involving temptation or compromise of their faith and they want or need some back up or guidance. There are dozens of reason why calling a brother or sister is critical for every person in their support group. Depending on the brother or sister, some people require more calls than others because their issues require extensive accountability efforts from struggles, self-esteem issues, self-control, etc.. I know some guys who require a call at least once a day due to him having a lack of self-control when it comes to certain instances. If the support group is meeting their members right where they are, these accountability calls can and will be as affective as if they were standing right next to the individual. So don’t be alarmed or hesitant about calls being required by one another. It can only help you in a lot of situations you may lose sight of. Also, it’s another excellent way of developing relationship with your group members, getting to know one another on a personal level. It will make your group that much stronger when you’re battling the struggles of life when you need someone to stand with you in the fight.

Do you have a question about Recovery? Email it to us @: Only questions will be printed on blog.

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Recovery Tip For This Week

Posted by Men of Redemption on October 24, 2016

Road_RecoveryThis Week’s Tip . . . .



Work Out During the Week. 

All work and no play make a man or woman in recovery boring and unsociable. We’ve spent countless hours organizing our structure, attempting to stay on task, and I know we get pretty tired and bored when there’s nothing else involved physically. So having a good balance of exercise and physical maintenance for our bodies are a sure thing to help us keep fit and focused mentally on our recoveries. No, we don’t have to have a strong regiment for exercising, just something to maintain good physical health habits like walking or jogging, riding a bike or on the treadmill. Exercise is vitally important to our recovery as it will assist us in thinking more clearly, increase our focus and awareness more purposefully, as well as help our chemical makeup with smoother blood flow. With consistent workouts, our eating habits will eventually change as well. But let’s remember working out is just another tool in our recovery to use help build us physically and mentally, not to boost our egos or show off to others about what we’re doing. Sometimes people will notice a difference in our appearance after working out and compliment us, then we allow it to get into our heads and we become affected mentally for the wrong reasons.  This is where having a workout partner will help in this effort. He will help keep our focus on the purpose and task at hand. So add something to your recovery to help keep it fresh and don’t allow boredom and stagnation to become a part of what you’re doing in recovery. Have fun and get that workout in!

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Recovery Tip For This Week

Posted by Men of Redemption on February 8, 2016


Recovery Tip For This Week:



For those of us who are in recovery, get more involved in accessing accountability in your recovery efforts. As you already realize, doing recovery alone is a no-win situation, at which we will fail every time. Having accountability will keep us focused, keep us determined and keep us honest in  our efforts, intentions and perspectives. Having another brother to connect with, to build relationship with will strengthen us to move forward in all that we do. His companionship, his communication, and his gut-checking, in-your-face involvement in your recovery and life is key to transparency and total interaction. He’ll be there for you just like you’ll be there for him. We’re doing this thing called recovery “together” with God leading us and strengthening us together along the journey.


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A Writer’s Thoughts . . . .

Posted by Men of Redemption on October 13, 2015

Writer's thoughtsOn Accountability . . . .                                                            

One of my favorite words. I learned about accountability several years ago when I discovered I needed it in my life. I find that accountability is more than just letting people in your life and answering to them on a frequent basis. It’s more than telling people where you’re at and where you’re going. It’s more than making yourself vulnerable to others and including them in your personal and intimate life. It’s more than being transparent and honest about my daily business, whether I’m at work, at church, visiting family and friends, or even at home. I’ve discovered that accountability is all that I just mentioned and more. One of my favorite scriptures in God’s Word speaks on accountability to the tee.

“As iron sharpens iron, So a man sharpens the countenance of his friend.”  –  PROVERBS  27:17

Yes, accountability does put you in a position where people see you for who you really are, how you really think and feel, and how you handle life and everything that comes with it. WOW!! How many of you can attest to that kind of vulnerability? Not of lot of us, and that’s probably why so many of us lead double lives, some people seeing you one way and others seeing in another. Typical example is how people see you at home in the daily tasks of family living and then see you at church involved in ministry. Are you the same person with the same values at home as you show at church when ministering or sharing? Something to think about while you’re deciding about making yourself vulnerable and transparent because that’s what it’s going to take to be accountable. And to whom will you be accountable to? Here’s my list: my Pastor, my Spiritual Overseer, my Mentor, our support group leadership team, several spirit-filled men in my church. In all, approximately 20-25 men who I’m accountable to keep me honest, true, and encouragement in my decision-making and business associations. I need this in my life because without it, I’m prone to make mistakes and bad choices leaning to my own understanding which God teaches us about in His Word (Prov. 3:5). I don’t know if you have accountability in your life to help you become more than what you desire to be but it sure does make a difference in my life when I need someone else’s wisdom and knowledge when I can’t rely on myself. Just a writer’s thoughts, I’m just saying . . . .



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A Writer’s Thoughts . . . .

Posted by Men of Redemption on September 17, 2015


Peter interferes

Interfering With God’s Plan and Purpose

Being a child of the King of kings and Lord of lords, Jesus Christ, I realize those of us who are called to share the Gospel are rejoicing in our calling with thanksgiving and praise. True, Matthew 28:19-20 commands all of His children to share the Gospel, the Great Commission, so it is a blessing to do the work of the Lord God. But is it right, or conducive for everyone to speak into or over someone’s life or situation without hearing from God first? I find that so many people have a word from the Lord, as prophetic as it may sound or mean, but they don’t realize if it truly is for that season or moment in that person’s life or situation. I’m reminded of a passage in scripture that gives a good example in Matthew 16 . . .

“From that time Jesus began to show to His disciples that He must go to Jerusalem, and suffer many things from the elders and chief priests and scribes, and be killed, and be raised the third day. Then Peter took Him aside and began to rebuke Him, saying, “Far be it from You, Lord; this shall not happen to You!” But He turned and said to Peter, “Get behind Me, Satan! You are an offense to Me, for you are not mindful of the things of God, but the things of men.” (vs. 21-23)

I respect Peter’s desire in defense of Jesus, His Lord and Savior, but Jesus had a purpose, intentions that He needed to fulfill and Peter was interfering with that plan. Although Peter didn’t know or understand at the time, you could tell his desire was to defend the Gospel at all cost. His intentions were honorable but Peter didn’t understand what was about to happen even when Christ tried to explain it. He was quick to defend, ready to offer comfort and assistance but his timing was off. It wasn’t the time for a word to interfere with what was going on Jesus’ life. And I see that in life today. God has a plan and purpose for all of us, and puts certain people in our lives to speak that Word we need for that particular time but not every word from someone is beneficial or relevant for our circumstances or situations. Jesus rebuked Peter. And sometimes I believe we need to make a stand and realize that we too need to “rebuke” some folks, out of love of course, because every word isn’t for everybody. If we want or desire to speak in or over someone’s life or circumstances, I believe coming into agreement through prayer, supporting that brother or sister in every way possible is more advantageous for any circumstance. Then, if the Lord speaks to your heart about that situation then share that Word and what the Lord God placed on your heart. This way, it will be received as it was truly spoken, out of love with purpose. Just some encouraging thoughts from a concerned writer. I’m just saying . . .

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My Question Is . . . .

Posted by Men of Redemption on August 5, 2015

my questionMy Question Is . . . .

“My husband is in recovery from years of watching porn. I want to support him in all his efforts but I don’t see any change in the behavior. As a matter of fact, I’m seeing the same behaviors of years past and chances are he’s still watching it. How can and do I let him know I want to see him set free form this?

First of all, you’re probably right, he’s still watching porn. When the mind changes and the heart is transformed the behavior changes. Depending on how long he has been watching porn, that “relationship” will feel to him like the first girl he ever fell in love with; he’ll never want to leave her! It’s not about the relationship, it’s about the heart and what he gives his thoughts and desires to. Since he has been in recovery, you might want to check out what kind of structure does he have in his life. What I mean by that is this: does he have a prayer life; does he spend time with God every day; does he have accountability in his life; and is he surrounded by men of spiritual integrity who will keep him accountable to every moment in his life. These are some things that are evident in the lives of men in recovery who are moving forward in their efforts. You also might want to encourage him to look into a support group that focuses on those characteristics with follow-up and follow-through 24/7. As for your support and encouragement, just continue to do just that, be there for him when the struggles are overwhelming but also you should look into getting connected with a support group for the wives of the husbands who struggle in this area because they are out there. These types of group will give you some understanding, some wisdom as well as some counsel in how to help your husband, as well as show you how to protect yourself, your family from the behaviors because sometimes they can get pretty outrageous and collateral damage is one of the consequences. So you’ll need some guidance and direction in supporting your husband if you truly want to see him set free. I sincerely hope this was helpful. Many wives get lost in the shame, the guilt and eventually end up being a co-dependent to their husbands. And this can happen on the other side as well.



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