Men of Redemption

Restoring a Life of Purity – One Day at a Time

Posts Tagged ‘relationship’

Today, I Will Trust God To . . . .

Posted by Men of Redemption on August 11, 2017

 

.  .  .  TO HELP ME GLORIFY YOU WITH THE GIFTS YOU’VE GIVEN ME.

Today, Heavenly Father God, help me lift up and glorify your name with all that you’ve blessed me with; You have given me talents, gifts, wisdom and understanding along with discernment-show O God how to use them affectively to draw others to you. Help me not be caught up in building up myself but edifying others so that they might know your Word, that they might come to relationship with you Father God and experience your love, grace and mercy like I have come to know you and even more so. Strengthen my desire to serve with gladness and a cheerful heart Lord God, that I might show myself diligent in drawing others to the kingdom of your light O God.

“For I say, through the grace given to me, to everyone who is among you, not to think of himself more highly than he ought to think, but to think soberly, as God has dealt to each one a measure of faith. For as we have many members in one body, but all the members do not have the same function, so we, being many, are one body in Christ, and individually members of one another. Having then gifts differing according to the grace that is given to us, let us use them: if prophecy, let us prophesy in proportion to our faith; or ministry, let us use it in our ministering; he who teaches, in teaching; he who exhorts, in exhortation; he who gives, with liberality; he who leads, with diligence; he who shows mercy, with cheerfulness.”  –  Romans  12:3-8 

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WHAT’S YOUR QUESTION ON RECOVERY?

Posted by Men of Redemption on June 13, 2017

MY QUESTION IS . . . .

“I’m struggling with accountability. I know accountability is crucial to the entire process but I just can’t seem to get into the habit of calling the guys in my group when I never really called guys before. It’s always been women I’ve called. How do I get pass this?”

Understanding and relational development is the key to accountability. If you belong to a group that has strong accountability practices, and they follow through in those practices consistently, you will begin to understand why there is a need to have other men in your life with purpose. While most men were in their “mess” – (this is what we called their addictive behaviors) those of us who acted out with women, they were our initial and immediate contacts. So whenever we got the desire we’d always call women. Now that you’re in recovery, and you have made a conscious decision to allow God to change and transform your mind and heart, God will also strengthen you to understand that we need Men of God in our lives to help us, to strengthen us and to mentor us as we move forward in our recovery. We have to eradicate the desire to “run” to women when we want to act out-instead, we need to persevere and run to our brothers, Men of God, who are there for our support and guidance to help us, to prevent us from falling again to the prey of women.

“As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another.”  –  Proverbs 27:17

When we begin to understand why Godly men are important to our recoveries, and God has impressed upon your heart that having that relationship with them is paramount, then you’ll see their importance in and for your life. Reaching out to other men will gradually erase, and eventually eradicate your desire to contact women for pleasure altogether because you’re going to develop purpose with these Men of God, and this is called relationship. Most men in recovery never had a brother or brothers that they could talk to or bond with on a personal level. Yeah, you have guys who you talk sports, politics and women about. But where are the men when you’re hurting or have been hurt; when you need to confide in someone over a heart issue, or when you want to talk to a brother about your struggles with addictive behaviors? Where are those guys when you really need them? Accountability helps you to develop relationship exactly for this purpose. You can get pass this by opening yourself up totally to accountability, developing relationship with Men of God who will encourage you, who will pray with and for you through your struggles and walk alongside you in your journey. That’s how you can get pass your struggle my friend.

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WHAT’S YOUR QUESTION?

Posted by Men of Redemption on May 25, 2017

MY QUESTION IS . . . .

“I’ve been in recovery now for about a year now, and I believe I’m moving forward with my life with the changes that I have made. The support group I belong to has some requirements that include the guys in our group calling each other once or twice a week, sometimes more. There are five guys in my group so that’s anywhere from 5-10 calls a week from them. Are all these calls really necessary?

The purpose for the calls are connected to what most support groups call Accountability. Accountability is very important in recovery, especially when the man or woman has self-esteem issues, isolation concerns, or has trouble connecting with others. Every opportunity a group has to stay connected with a brother assures him that his group cares about him in every area of his life besides when they meet during group sessions. As a matter of fact, especially when he is away from the group, those six days until the next time they meet again is crucial because he is mostly doing life by himself, with no accountability, no one to encourage or help him or her make critical decisions about important matters. He or she is literally alone with no one to refer to. Now this doesn’t mean that they are incapable of making their own decisions by no means! Some brothers and sisters just need that support, that call that comes unexpected when they need it; that call when they’re facing a challenging situation and they’re about to do something they’ll probably regret; that call when they face a situation involving temptation or compromise of their faith and they want or need some back up or guidance. There are dozens of reason why calling a brother or sister is critical for every person in their support group. Depending on the brother or sister, some people require more calls than others because their issues require extensive accountability efforts from struggles, self-esteem issues, self-control, etc.. I know some guys who require a call at least once a day due to him having a lack of self-control when it comes to certain instances. If the support group is meeting their members right where they are, these accountability calls can and will be as affective as if they were standing right next to the individual. So don’t be alarmed or hesitant about calls being required by one another. It can only help you in a lot of situations you may lose sight of. Also, it’s another excellent way of developing relationship with your group members, getting to know one another on a personal level. It will make your group that much stronger when you’re battling the struggles of life when you need someone to stand with you in the fight.

Do you have a question about Recovery? Email it to us @: menofredemption040709@hotmail.com. Only questions will be printed on blog.

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Read Your Word This Morning? – Are You Willing to Get Up and Go When God Calls You

Posted by Men of Redemption on March 13, 2017

IF GOD SAYS MOVE, WILL YOU BE OBEDIENT AND MOVE?

 

How do you handle instruction when you are told to do something you are not prepared to do, especially if you have a family and all that goes with it? I mean how do you pick up everything you have, all of your belongings, all of your necessities and property, and uproot from where you are and instructed to go somewhere you have no idea where or how to get there? Crazy thing isn’t it? Well, Abram (Abraham) faced that difficult situation and I’m almost certain he had the same concerns. But the one thing that Abram had that a lot people don’t have: A Relationship with the Father. When God saw the faithfulness and obedience in Abram when He instructed him to sacrifice his son Isaac, God saw his compassion to obey His commands, intervened with Abram before he was getting ready to sacrifice Isaac and confirmed their relationship. God had a plan for Abram, and just like you and me, He wants to carry out that plan to fruition as we continue in obedience to Him. Have you ever considered that God wants you at a specific location, in a specific position for a specific purpose? Our lives aren’t for our living but for the purpose of glorifying God in all we do no matter where we are. And with those instructions God reveals His plan to those who are faithful and true to His calling. There probably were questions in Abram’s mind and heart like “Why Lord? . . . We are happy here, where will we go? . . . and Why me Lord, why now?” I know those would be some questions I would have. But if our relationship with God is firm, developed and built on His Word and His promises, we can trust the Lord in anything He desires or wants us to do. God gives us assurances that whatever He wants us to do or wherever He wants us to go, He will give clear and concise instruction as what He wants. Then there’s these blessings He throws in there for comfort and awareness to ease our doubtful minds because of our obedience and submission to His will. Learn to trust God no matter what He desires from us because, with God, It’s All Good!!

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Read Your Word This Morning?

Posted by Men of Redemption on June 2, 2016

Breakfast of ChampionsTry reading God’s Word with the intention of looking for wisdom in developing a closer walk with God. Most people tend to “search” God’s Word not read or study His Word. The stories in the Bible are incredibly historical and have meaning in themselves, but there is so much more to them than just stories. Many of the chapters talk about relationship; how God called specific people right from where they are in life despite their present situations. As they become obedient to their calling, a bond, a relationship is developed between them and God. Then God uses them to further His purpose in life for them to draw his people back to Him. When we read about how David developed his relationship with God, it didn’t happen over night. But David followed after God with all of his heart and was called by God “A man after His own Heart.” Read God’s Word with focus on getting to know Him on a personal and spiritual level, not just to discover the terrifying things of life, not to find the things that comfort us, but those characteristics that will draw us closer to Him. Get into His Word today and find out for yourself!

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Read Your Word This Morning?

Posted by Men of Redemption on May 19, 2016

Breakfast of ChampionsEvery time I read my Word, I get the refreshing desire of God’s love and overwhelming faithfulness in His Word. I mean, I feel so empowered to live for Him, to go out into my world and proclaim His goodness and mercy to all I know! When I read about the things He desires me to do, it makes me feel like . . . “Wow God, You want me to do that?” And then He goes on to show how He will do it through me by supplying all that I need to get it accomplished. Despite how unqualified I may feel I am, or the doubt I would have in my own ability to do His work, he still makes it very clear He will do it in me if I just give Him the opportunity to use me. I learned through reading His Word that I did not choose God, He chose me. Get into your Word today, and get to know your Creator in a real, special way!

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A Writer’s Thoughts On . . . .

Posted by Men of Redemption on April 21, 2016

Writer's thoughts

 

 

My Thoughts on . . . .  Dating During Recovery. 

This has been a conversational peace since I can remember. You have a guy in recovery dating a young lady who is also in recovery. Is there something wrong with that picture? It appears like the ideal situation; both are doing positive things for themselves to enhance their lives individually; both are seeking help in maintaining a life that will work out for himself/herself; and they both are confident that what they are doing in recovery will stabilize and benefit future relationships. Doesn’t sound like anything is wrong or misinterpreted. It would seem like the both of them are focused, headed in the right direction, especially if they are looking forward to progressively pursue a deeper relationship with one another. Yes, there’s nothing like true, honest intentions for those who are in agreement. But that just an example for the “ideal” couple. What about the couples who are not in agreement, who are not pursuing the same focus, who are not actively seeking recovery with a hidden agenda just to make it “appear” as though they are? There are some out there in that disguise.


What I’ve learned about dating during recovery is that most experts conclude that dating while in recovery, especially if there is conversation or discussion of a more serious relationship, should be placed on hold until each individual is further along in his/her recovery. Why? Because while each person is in recovery, there is the opportunity for distraction, emotionally and physically, despite being in different classes or groups. Depending on that person’s needs for recovery, you could have the issues affecting one directly affecting the other in more ways than one. Even though their mindset may say they are there for individual help, their behavior outside of group may display another concern, and can escalate rather quickly if not guarded. I tend to agree with the experts because I see, and understand their reasoning behind this train wreck waiting to happen. I’ve learned that when you have two people in this situation such as this, there tends to be discord on which way the relationship should or ought to go. And if one individual is progressing in their recovery faster and more efficiently than the other, one is left behind and the other wants to or will forsake his/her recovery no matter where they are for the sake of the relationship. This is why most experts agree with the fact that dating is recovery is not conducive for anyone in recovery until they both have reach a level healthy mental and spiritual understanding in their life. And what’s even more of a concern is whether or not they both have someone whom they are accountable to in recovery that has monitored their progressions to see if in fact they are ready for such a giant step into a deeper relationship. No matter how much you care for another individual who is in recovery, they should always want that person to receive all the assistance and help they’re after, stay connected and focused, as well as the same for his/her friend. I see how this can be a distraction and a strain on a couple in recovery. But if the couple would come into agreement at the beginning of their recovery, put some boundaries in place to protect the relationship from distraction, then continue to pursue their recoveries with their whole hearts, they will eventually get there and experience a true, new revelation of real relationship and transparency. There’s nothing better than two individuals who have pursued healthy living, making the necessary adjustments in their lives and then having a clear conscious to see each other as God would want them to see each other as He sees them.

Just some thoughts from a brother that strongly encourages the betterment of relationship with pro-active behaviors to bring out the very best in individuals and couples for the glory of God. Sometimes we have to do what we don’t want to do to get the blessing from God that we truly need. I know in the end, it’ll all be worth it. Just saying . . . .

 

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A Writer’s Thoughts On . . . .

Posted by Men of Redemption on April 4, 2016

Writer's thoughts

 

 

My Thoughts on . . . . . Real Relationship, Pt. 1.

We all know people from everywhere. We meet people in the craziest places under the strangest circumstances. And some of us tend to build on those encounters because we sense a relationship, whether it’s for friendship, communication or something specific that we can grow from. We see something in them that attracts us to their personality, their purpose in life, or the encouragement that they bring through their lives. We begin to make ourselves vulnerable to this process, but still we keep our boundaries up and in place just in the event the process has a breakdown. This is what we call a relationship. We are so careful in developing relationship that it’s almost like conducting an interview to make sure that the person or persons is genuine and real. But it’s so hard to distinguish real relationship because there will be no trust given until transparency and honesty is at the forefront. So how long does it take for real relationship to develop. It’s really a matter of what you want out of the relationship and what you want to give to make the relationship grow.

I believe when we begin to develop real relationship there are understandings that must take place in order for it to flourish with genuineness. I first, must have a desire to get to know that person and see something in him that I’m attracted to that will build me up and help me become a person myself. It’s not always about having friends or knowing a lot of people because everyone is a friend, they’re just not at a degree where everyone is on the same  level as far as relationship goes. I have to want to spend time with that person, get to know his character, his likes and dislikes, his wants and his desires in life, really getting to know that person on a deeper level. I know it does take time, but if I’m ever going to want real relationship I must make it a point, a purpose, to seek after those relationship with honesty and transparency. Spending time with that individual will give me the clarity and understanding of developing real relationship because that’s what I want in my life, a person or people who are real, not someone who is perpetrating or has a hidden agenda and wants to take advantage of my kindness. I also have to remember that not everyone wants to same things in real relationship either. If they don’t get what they want out of you they will leave you alone, or some will even try to manipulate us and pretend to be genuine to get on your approval of relationship. I look at my relationship with God. Even though I don’t see Him, I want to get to know Him, His desires for me in this life; His purpose for me while I’m on this earth; who He truly is, and why His love for me is so great and unconditional. I know I need to spend time with Him, in His Word, in prayer, and most of all, listening to Him through the Holy Spirit for understanding Him in all things. He has revealed Himself through His Word, so I want to take time out daily to understand The One who created me. That’s developing real relationship. And if use the same principles  and guidelines in allowing real relationship to develop with people as I do with my relationship with God, I’ll be surrounding myself with godly wisdom, godly understanding, and genuine perspective. All of my relationships will be edifying and with purpose.

Just some thoughts from a brother who has learned about relationship development, what it takes to make real, genuine relationships work and the privilege of knowing true transparency and honesty in relationship. Just saying . . . .

“But whatever were gains to me I now consider loss for the sake of Christ. What is more, I consider everything a loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them garbage, that I may gain Christ and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which is through faith in Christ—the righteousness that comes from God on the basis of faith. I want to know Christ—yes, to know the power of his resurrection and participation in his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, and so, somehow, attaining to the resurrection from the dead.” 

–  PHILIPPIANS   3:7-11  

 

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My Question Is . . . .

Posted by Men of Redemption on August 5, 2015

my questionMy Question Is . . . .

“My husband is in recovery from years of watching porn. I want to support him in all his efforts but I don’t see any change in the behavior. As a matter of fact, I’m seeing the same behaviors of years past and chances are he’s still watching it. How can and do I let him know I want to see him set free form this?

First of all, you’re probably right, he’s still watching porn. When the mind changes and the heart is transformed the behavior changes. Depending on how long he has been watching porn, that “relationship” will feel to him like the first girl he ever fell in love with; he’ll never want to leave her! It’s not about the relationship, it’s about the heart and what he gives his thoughts and desires to. Since he has been in recovery, you might want to check out what kind of structure does he have in his life. What I mean by that is this: does he have a prayer life; does he spend time with God every day; does he have accountability in his life; and is he surrounded by men of spiritual integrity who will keep him accountable to every moment in his life. These are some things that are evident in the lives of men in recovery who are moving forward in their efforts. You also might want to encourage him to look into a support group that focuses on those characteristics with follow-up and follow-through 24/7. As for your support and encouragement, just continue to do just that, be there for him when the struggles are overwhelming but also you should look into getting connected with a support group for the wives of the husbands who struggle in this area because they are out there. These types of group will give you some understanding, some wisdom as well as some counsel in how to help your husband, as well as show you how to protect yourself, your family from the behaviors because sometimes they can get pretty outrageous and collateral damage is one of the consequences. So you’ll need some guidance and direction in supporting your husband if you truly want to see him set free. I sincerely hope this was helpful. Many wives get lost in the shame, the guilt and eventually end up being a co-dependent to their husbands. And this can happen on the other side as well.

 

 

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What’s On Your Mind?

Posted by Men of Redemption on April 23, 2015

WHAT’S ON YOUR MIND?another couple

TODAY’S TOPIC:  A FORGIVING WIFE

 “I realize I’ve hurt my wife because of my behaviors that brought shame to my marriage and family, but will my wife ever forgive me and let the past be the past? If I’m doing my recovery when will she begin to trust me again?

If you have realized the pain, the hurt and the betrayal that you have caused your wife, then your recovery will reflect and display your repentive heart, and your actions are the key to the forgiveness that you seek. How you love and treat her as you work through your recovery by staying committed, remaining hopeful and transparent through that process and trusting God to make all of it happen is critical to you understanding that she has already forgiven you. In her heart she has forgiven you, but to protect herself from being hurt again she will have a safety action plan in place to protect her heart, her feelings and the marriage. As she prays for you daily, her prayers ought to be that you continue to do the right thing in all your efforts of recovery and not fail or relapse. She wants you to know she forgives you but she needs to see consistent recovery transformation of mind and honorable intentions in every area of your life. Once you begin to show that consistency your wife will gradually begin to place moments of trust into you the more consistent you become, and not return to former behaviors. Once you slip or relapse, it shows her that you’re not committed as strongly as you claim you are. But don’t let a slip or relapse make you feel like all hope is lost. She must understand that relapses will happen, but it’s about what you do after the relapse and the direction you intend to take that will give her clear indication where your heart is. I heard this some time ago in a conference I attended . . . “Trust is earned, not given!” After letting that sink in I realized how true that really is. Even in my own marriage consistency was the key for me and still is to this day. It’s a part of my life now. So don’t be mislead or downhearted about your wife ever trusting you again. Continue to work your recovery plan, be and stay consistent, and I strongly believe that the trust you desire from your wife will return when its right for the relationship to start growing and maturing into what God intended it to be from the beginning.

 

If you have a question regarding recovery, issues associated with addictive behaviors or sexual integrity and wanting to get some understanding email us at http://www.menofredemption040709@hotmail.com.

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