Men of Redemption

Restoring a Life of Purity – One Day at a Time

Posts Tagged ‘struggle’


Posted by Men of Redemption on June 20, 2017


“I feel I’m doing really well in my recovery group, as I’ve seen a lot of growth from where I used to be. It’s been nearly seven months of sobriety and I’m very encouraged as I move forward. Because of that growth, I’d like to have disclosure with my wife, sharing with her to know everything I’ve done to her in my addictive behaviors. Is this a good time to begin this process or should I wait?

Thank you for honesty and courage in sharing where you are in your recovery. That confession does show that you’re moving in the right direction. The answer to your question-WAIT. I truly understand your desire to be open and transparent with your wife, which is one of the goals we ought to pursue while in recovery, but we need to understand the sensitivity side of having disclosure. It’s good that you’re very proud of where you are in your journey, and keep up the good work. But seven months is not nearly enough time of sobriety to even consider disclosure. At this stage in your recovery you’re probably still working on some deep issues-trauma, hurts for the past, identifying those issues that have prohibited you from moving forward in life, as well as maybe some relationship concerns. I wholeheartedly understand you wanting to further the process of disclosure as you gain more confidence and healing in your recovery, but it’s also about understanding where your wife is emotionally, mentally and spiritually. If she has not received or have been receiving any support while you’re doing your recovery, that means that she’s still harboring that pain, that broken trust, with nowhere to turn or get help herself. Sometimes as men in recovery we can get so excited about our progress, but we tend to forget that the very person who was the recipient of the collateral damage we’ve cause with our behaviors was our wives. As we progress, we need to keep in mind our wives, what we’ve put them through, and all that they had incurred because of our problems. How do we do that? Communicate with your wife. Talk to her about what you’ve learned about what you’re struggling with. Let her know that you’re trying to understand the root cause of your problem so that it doesn’t happen ever again! Support her in helping her understand the process you’re going through in recovery. As you continue to progress, you pray that God will minister and send some God-fearing women who have been through this struggle to give her the support she really needs from a woman’s perspective. She needs to know that she isn’t alone and that this was not her fault. So waiting a while, I’d say at least a good year maybe a year and half depending on the severity of your situation, would be great time to take a look at disclosure and assess where you both are at that time. It’s not about when you’re ready-it’s about when YOU BOTH are ready. There is a lot more involve when considering disclosure. So again, I would wait and make sure your wife has had some support, healing, accountability and understanding before moving forward. Don’t be in a rush. It will only make things worst.


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Posted by Men of Redemption on June 5, 2017

“Many of us have been there, some of us are still there. Now that you’ve risen from the depths of your struggles, make it your desire to help someone else get out of their hole in life.

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A Writer’s Thoughts On . . . . It’s A Root Issue!

Posted by Men of Redemption on February 15, 2017


Looking at your life as it is today, do you ever think about what you’ve been through in the short, brief time you’ve had on this earth? I mean, all of us living today have a short time lifespan because none of us are living like those before us in Biblical days where they were living 600 years, 969 years and so on. But as we reflect on our lives, do ever recognize, acknowledge and even address to pain, hurts and trauma of our lives either from the past or the present? No matter how successful, how detrimental or even how consistent our live have been or expected to be, there is a time where disappointment, heartache, betrayal, deception and several other emotions come into play where we are affected by them for some reason. I’m no doctor or psychologist, or even claim to be, but through my own experience I have learned and discovered that we as human beings go through an awful lot in our lives with so much happening on all levels. The results of hidden pains, heartaches and disappointments can be easily medicated with addictions and/or just not acknowledging them at all, which will eventually lead to isolation.

When I say medicate I mean you engage in something, a type of behavior, that will covertly hide what you’re going through so that others won’t see your pain, your distresses or even your trauma. Sometimes you find yourself walking down a lonely road, isolated from everyone because you believe no one truly understands what you’re going through. Where is the root of that pain that hurt coming from? Sometimes walking that lonely road you find the answers to those questions but it’s so dangerous without someone being there to help you understand, to bring some clarity. We want to get to root of this and discover where in fact is it coming from. We ask ourselves “Why am I doing what I’m doing?” and if we’re honest with ourselves, it will take us right to the pain, to the hurt or to the trauma because we know we have to deal with it sooner or later. But the struggle continues, and that’s where we want to medicate our pain with behaviors to ease the pain so we won’t have to deal with. Is it the pain, is it the trauma; we know what it is, but because of the fear, the shame and the guilt that resulted, the lies of the enemy, we remain in seclusion out of fear, exposure and embarrassment.

Whether we medicate our pain with drugs, alcohol, sex, food, whatever, the real issue is a deep wound, a pain, some type of trauma that happened in our lives either from our past or right where we are now. The key to this acknowledging the fact is are we ready or prepared to deal with it, and by that I mean talk to someone who specializes in your specific pains or hurts, and get some healing, clarity and understanding about it, find a way to process it by walking it out and not allowing it manifest itself through addictive behaviors. We can’t allow the enemy of our souls to continue to lie to us by telling us it’s our fault, we’re no good because of what we allowed to happen to us. Those are lies from the pits of hell! You are better than that, you are a child of God, His greatest creation, and He loves you so much more that you could ever imagine. Stop walking around hiding your pain, your trauma, your hurts. Sooner or later it’s going to come up again and the results could be devastating. It is hard to overcome, but finding and connecting with someone who specializes in trauma and pain experiences is critical to you achieving the overcoming of discovering the root of your addiction.

Just some encouraging thoughts from a brotha who has overcome this struggle because of my desire to be and remain set free by allowing God’s mercy, His grace and His love to overwhelm me with knowing who I am, and whose I am. Just saying . . . .

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Today, I Will Trust God To . . . .

Posted by Men of Redemption on November 16, 2016




. . . . To Help My Unbelief

Father God, the Lord of lords and King of kings, I pray this day that you would grant me the strength  to trust you to help my unbelief; though I struggle with trusting you to handle to difficulties of the details of my life, help me to depend and know that you will do all that you say you will do; that I know beyond the shadow of a doubt that you are who you say you are. Remove the doubt, and cast down any vain imaginations that appear to be you, and reveal your Word to me with clarity and truth so I would cling to your righteousness; Renew my mind and my thoughts so that I would have no doubt of your goodness, your holiness, because you are God Almighty, the Lord Jesus Christ.

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