Men of Redemption

Restoring a Life of Purity – One Day at a Time

Posts Tagged ‘support group’

WHAT’S YOUR QUESTION ON RECOVERY?

Posted by Men of Redemption on June 9, 2017

MY QUESTION IS . . . .

“I’m enjoying my support group a lot but my work schedule won’t permit me to make regular attendance consistently. I know my group leader tells me I need to be there but I can’t make it to group on some nights. What can I do to assure my group leader that I want to be there but work is not cooperating?      

We run into this situation all the time in our group. For one, your job is your livelihood, and we will never ask you to anything that would interfere with that. There are two directions you could go with this concern and either one can work to your benefit.

Talk with your Group Leader and see if the work involved can be made up. This option seems to work for a lot of guys in many groups because the work involved eventually gets completed. It lets the Group Leader know that he cares about getting his work done. It also gives the group member an opportunity stay involved with the group when he’s not in attendance as the group will extend they’re prayers for him to somehow get the time off that’s required and be with them. On the other hand, the member not in attendance is missing out on the live interaction with his group, the sharing and edification of one another and the accountability efforts for the group as a whole. This is where the frustration lies with most guys, not being there when they really need to be. But with a work schedule that has been in place for a while it’s hard to make the meetings when work isn’t cooperating so you might consider this option if you can’t get the time off.

Talk with your Boss and let him/her know what’s important to you on the night you have a group. This option will require some prayer and favor from the Lord, and it can be accomplished! On a day where you can meet with your boss, sit down with him/her and share what you’re doing on that given night. If you have the kind of working relationship where you can talk with your boss, share with them (in confidentiality) what your focus is on that night, maybe share a little about your struggles and what this group means to you when you attend regularly. Your boss needs to know what’s important to you when it comes to life, especially if you have a good relationship with them. Then, with some prayer, and the transparency you just share with you boss, maybe then they will consider making some modifications or actually making a decision to give you that night off permanently. It doesn’t always happen like that, but in some cases it truly does. Now, your boss just might say “No” to your request altogether, so you just accept their answer and inform your Group Leader of the decision and go from there. You have done all that you can do as far as making something happen. Your Group Leader should understand your dilemma and work with you within the guidelines and protocol of the group structure.

Now this isn’t the end of your request. You can still continue to pray, and ask God to make way where there was no way, and God can and will move upon hearts. You just never know. One day you just might walk into your job site and the boss wants to see you immediately and then says something like this . . . .

“I’ve given some thought to your request. You have been an outstanding employee for us for quite some time. After thinking about it carefully and what we’re doing here in the company, I think we can accommodate your request at this time. Your request is granted!”

Nothing but God my friend. Nothing but God Himself!

 

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WHAT’S YOUR QUESTION TODAY?

Posted by Men of Redemption on June 2, 2017

MY QUESTION IS . . . .

“How do I know if I’m in the right recovery group? I’ve been to a couple different groups and it seems like they are all the same. How do I know if the one I’m going to now is the one that’s really for me?

To find out if the group that you belong to is the best for you, look for three things that will assure you that you’re in the right place: Curriculum, Group Dynamics, and Accountability.

Curriculum –

What kind of curriculum are they using for the group? There are a lot of groups out there that use various books, studies, certain programs that are geared to support group setting. But I find that having a curriculum that is designed to help you identify and understand the root causes of your issues will work best. Some curriculums work with you and take you back into your past life to help identify the introduction to addictive behaviors, trauma issues, pains, and other issues that we have allowed to infiltrate our lives and lead to destructive behaviors. See if the curriculum addresses those issues, give examples, and then show you what and how you can begin to put things in place so that you can get healing from them and move forward in your life.

Group Dynamics –

Look to see if your group has consistent protocol and high levels of confidentiality. This is very important in selecting a good group for your needs and understanding. When looking at Group Dynamics, see if the group starts on time; does the Facilitator/Director have a vision, a mission statement for the group; does the group have purpose and direction; and with the curriculum it has and uses what is it that they are preparing me for as my healing progresses when I complete the curriculum. These things play a major factor in you understanding who you are in Christ, your purpose in this life, and what is God preparing you to do when it’s time for you to leave the group.

Accountability –

This is the one thing you should be looking for first and foremost. Without Accountability, there is no success in any support group without it! Besides the curriculum and the group dynamics, you need to know and see how accountability looks and works amongst the group itself in order in order to know they have it and it’s working successfully. Is there phone calls required? Do the guys have opportunity to engage in meeting outside the group if they choose to? Can you contact someone, a group leader anytime of the day or night should you need to due to an emergency or in case you relapse? And what type of relapse prevention criteria do they have to help you stay accountable and on course? All these questions need to be answered and considered if you are serious about your recovery and moving forward in life.

So if you are unsure about the support you belong to, ask yourself these questions and see if the your present group is giving you what you’re looking for in a group. If any of these are not present, maybe it’s time you consider looking for a group that’s addressing these concerns, with consistency I might add. These three areas are so important to your recovery that attending any group without them is surely to delay, even interrupt all progress made in a person’s recovery without fail. Looking at the very first support group [Jesus and His Disciples]; they knew their Curriculum(The Living Word), Group Dynamics(Follow Him, Pray, Transparency), Accountability(Being together, talking to one another about everything), this is what you should be looking for in a support group.

 

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WHAT’S YOUR QUESTION TODAY?

Posted by Men of Redemption on May 31, 2017

MY QUESTION IS . . . .

“I’ve been going to my support group consistently for the last eight to nine months and have seen tremendous progress in my recovery. But my wife says she doesn’t think I’m doing enough. She says she doesn’t see me doing certain things but I am doing everything I’m suppose to. How can I convince her that I’m doing the right things?

It’s not about convincing your wife that you’re doing everything you’re suppose to; It’s about trusting God that He will enable you to do everything He desires you to do and then your wife will be convinced. So many men get crossed up in their recovery efforts thing that if they’re doing everything and their wives see them doing it that’s going to be okay. That’s clearly a sign that you are doomed to fail in all of your efforts. We men in recovery don’t do our recovery to appease our wives, to make them happy. We do recovery because we want healing, we want to walk in freedom, and we want God’s grace and mercy to overwhelm us by His power and might. That means it’s nothing that you or I can do but what God is and will do through His Holy Spirit to bring change and transformation into our lives. Yes, your wife is watching you and every move you make. But don’t feel like you’re being interrogated or put on trial(although that how many men feel). Don’t allow your focus or your reaction to your wife dictate your recovery efforts. Trust God, trust the curriculum and all the efforts of your support group to lead you and guide as move forward in your journey. When we stop and see what others think or get their opinions, it prohibits our focus, our intentionality of perseverance, we tend to stop and inadvertently delay all of our efforts by wondering, contemplating if what we’re doing is right. These are tricks of the enemy attempting to distract us, to demobilize us from staying on course. And he will use the very ones dearest to us to convince us of this to make it seem legitimate. That’s why accountability is so important in our journey. We need to reach out to our accountability cord and talk to our brothers about this very thing and other things when we feel trapped or tied up in our recovery. You’re not being disrespectful to your wife. Her expectations are always going to be wanting more from you until she sees God get a hold of you and when He does . . . . then she will be convinced that what you are doing is enough! But it doesn’t stop there! Once God get a hold of you, you’ll need to all God to strengthen you to remain consistent in all your recovery efforts every day, not just on days where your wife sees you or pays attention to you. She’s watching you everyday, but so is God. Concern yourself about convincing God, then your wife will be convinced by God and know that you are doing enough.

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RECOVERY QUOTE OF THE DAY

Posted by Men of Redemption on May 24, 2017

“The very first support group didn’t have a curriculum or an established protocol. All they had was Jesus. This was the very first Support Group.”

 

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What’s On Your Mind?

Posted by Men of Redemption on October 6, 2015

your mind

“I’m struggling with porn, and I’ve been watching porn for years and I’m tired of it. I want to stop but I can’t seem to find someone or something to help me with this problem. Where can I go and who should I contact in getting the help I’m crying out for?

 

You’ve made your first step toward getting the help you requested already by confessing that you have a problem and you want to get help. So many men, and women for that matter, fail to recognize that admitting you have a problem, whether its porn, alcohol, drugs, or some other addictive behavior, is crucial in the process of getting help. Denial can continue your spiral down the slide of destruction if you don’t cry out. Trust me when I say “cry out” because that’s literally what you have to do when you’ve been in bondage and ensnared for years with no way out. Here are some options you’ll want to consider if you truly want to get help.

                               Contact a Christian Counselor who specializes in Addictive Behaviors.                                     

This is probably the hardest option that most people have a difficult time doing or understanding because it involves sharing something that’s filled with guilt and shame. It’s not everyday that someone calls a counselor and informs him/her that they have a problem with pornography. But a counselor who specializes in this field will understand your struggle and receive you with open arms, and will make the exposure as confidential and safe as possible that you’ll get the help you request without the shame, guilt or condemnation.

Search for a good Support Group that works with Sexual Integrity Issues.           

 

There are several support groups out there that work with men and women who struggle with sexual integrity. They help you understand the problem, its point of origin and how it became a problem, and help place boundaries and structure in your life where there weren’t any. That support group will also ensure that you are surrounded by those who are overcoming the struggle with you to keep you encouraged and focused on doing the right thing. They also will provide a strong accountability cord that will walk with alongside the journey with you.

Contact a local ministry of a church that works with men and women in this area. Crown of Thorns in place of letter O[1]

There are a few churches that have ministries that are created to help those who are struggling with integrity issues. You really have to seek out those churches and look at their current ministry and see if this is what you’re looking for. Not all ministries or churches will have what you desire or need so you may have to be specific in what you’re asking for. A good, sufficient and fruit-bearing ministry will have testimonies, men and women who have and are currently overcoming their struggles daily with victory and consistency on a daily basis. Those particular ministries are the ones that get right in your face and challenge you to make a heart-lead change and seek freedom with everything you’ve got.

Contact the Professional Organizations that are the experts in the field.

This is probably the best way to go when looking for help in this area. There are several organizations out there: Pure Desire International Ministries (Puredesire.org); New Life Ministries; Celebrate Recovery. These organizations have been in existence for several years and have been so helpful for so many men and women all around the world. Their success rates are internationally noted and the lives of those who sought their help are walking in freedom consistently.

So we hope that this information is helpful, and that you do seek the help you are currently looking for. There is help out there. But as always, if want the help and are crying out for it, we believe and trust that you’ll do whatever it takes if you really want it.

 

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What’s On Your Mind?

Posted by Men of Redemption on August 24, 2015

your mind“I’m doing very well in my recovery. My life is changing for the better and I have some structure in my life. I’ve been wanting to share disclosure with my wife but when is it a good time to do that?”

This seem to be the topic most couples are extremely concerned about because it involves sharing and disclosing all the things that we’ve ever done to them, mind you, all that we can remember. Yes, eventually you will need to make disclosure with your spouse but don’t be in such a hurry to carry it out.

DISCLOSURE: the act or an instance of disclosing; exposure; revelation.the act of disclosing.

When desiring disclosure, keep in mind there are two components that need to be in place; consistent sobriety for at least a year, and the emotional, spiritual health of the both of you. Those of us who are having somewhat of a pattern of good success in our recoveries tend to “feel” good about our efforts. We believe that this is the time to “spring” this moment onto our spouse. But we need to be mindful of the fact of asking ourselves have I grown and progressed enough; have I allowed the transformation process to resonate in my life; and is my relationship with God moving toward becoming more in tune to hearing His voice for guidance and instruction. Then, on the other hand, you have to look at your spouse and see if she/he is or has received help in understanding what has happened to them because of our behaviors and actions against them. Are they strong enough, emotionally, spiritually or mentally to receive your confession. Most of the time our spouses are not ready, especially if you have not been in recovery for any length of time or have had sobriety for less than a year. How can you tell if your spouse is ready or healthy enough to receive your disclosure? Encourage her/him to seek out some help or ministering with a mentor, support group, even pastoral assistance. This will help bring some peace and understanding into what you’re going through and how you’re doing it.

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My Question Is . . . .

Posted by Men of Redemption on August 5, 2015

my questionMy Question Is . . . .

“My husband is in recovery from years of watching porn. I want to support him in all his efforts but I don’t see any change in the behavior. As a matter of fact, I’m seeing the same behaviors of years past and chances are he’s still watching it. How can and do I let him know I want to see him set free form this?

First of all, you’re probably right, he’s still watching porn. When the mind changes and the heart is transformed the behavior changes. Depending on how long he has been watching porn, that “relationship” will feel to him like the first girl he ever fell in love with; he’ll never want to leave her! It’s not about the relationship, it’s about the heart and what he gives his thoughts and desires to. Since he has been in recovery, you might want to check out what kind of structure does he have in his life. What I mean by that is this: does he have a prayer life; does he spend time with God every day; does he have accountability in his life; and is he surrounded by men of spiritual integrity who will keep him accountable to every moment in his life. These are some things that are evident in the lives of men in recovery who are moving forward in their efforts. You also might want to encourage him to look into a support group that focuses on those characteristics with follow-up and follow-through 24/7. As for your support and encouragement, just continue to do just that, be there for him when the struggles are overwhelming but also you should look into getting connected with a support group for the wives of the husbands who struggle in this area because they are out there. These types of group will give you some understanding, some wisdom as well as some counsel in how to help your husband, as well as show you how to protect yourself, your family from the behaviors because sometimes they can get pretty outrageous and collateral damage is one of the consequences. So you’ll need some guidance and direction in supporting your husband if you truly want to see him set free. I sincerely hope this was helpful. Many wives get lost in the shame, the guilt and eventually end up being a co-dependent to their husbands. And this can happen on the other side as well.

 

 

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My Question Is . . . .

Posted by Men of Redemption on June 24, 2015

my question

My Question Is . . . .

“What’s the difference between change and transformation? I attend a support group and I hear those words all the time. Aren’t they the same?” 

First of all, let’s look at the definition of both words.

Change: to make the form, nature, content, future course, etc., of (something) different from what it is or from what it would be if left alone.”

When we look at the word change from a recovery standpoint, change can be misconstrued as doing something different, getting away from something old and non-productive and moving into something new and challenging. In most support group settings this is the common approach to helping men and women with various struggles and issues of life. Most people prefer change because it shows the world that the outside of an individual can change, and that’s what most people want to see is the outward change of a person. But that can be so easily deceiving, based on what the person who is changing wants to “display” to his or her audience. They can appear to be in control and will change to accommodate, or conform to the wishes or desires of his environment, sort of what a chameleon does when his environment changes.

Transformation: “the act, or the state of being transformed; change in form, appearance, nature, or character.”

When we talk about transformation, we looking at change as well, but from an internal perspective. Yes, change is involved, but it is from within. When we say from within, we’re speaking of a heart and mind change. Transformation involves a renewing of the mind through the eradication of ungodly thoughts, selfishness, egotistical values of me-first. Also a heart change is closely followed with the mind because the mind begins to think more clearly, and will affect how we feel about things and others. Transformation from within is something you can’t modify to accommodate others or appease others. Once transformation takes place it gives you a new character, new perspectives on life, a new nature, and you can’t hide and make that up. It’s inside you, and what’s inside of you will surely come out eventually.

So if you’re in a support group and you’re looking for something that will make a difference in your life and the ones that you have affected in some way or another, consider transformation because you want the freedom that’s genuine from the heart, not to appease others then return to your past thoughts and behaviors.

“I beseech you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, that you present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable to God, which is your reasonable service. And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God.”  –  ROMANS 12:1, 2

 

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Addiction Recovery Process: TOOL #4 – A Support Group

Posted by Men of Redemption on April 27, 2015

menADDICTION RECOVERY PROCESS women

TOOL #4: SUPPORT GROUPS 

Being a part of a support group is conducive to any recovery process because of its strong  focus on giving men and women the opportunity to see that they are not the only ones who go through issues and concerns where trust and betrayal has been violated. You learn about communicating your hurts, your pain and your frustrations with others who desire to share those emotions with those who can relate to you. In a support group, which is facilitated by someone who has been through the process, has overcome the obstacles that the participants in the group have or is currently going through, you will discover real life experiences from those who desire help, understanding and guidance to everything that they’ve suffered in due to bad decisions and/or choices. A good support group will bring truth and awareness, outlining the roots of your problems and issues, then discuss how you can make a decision to incorporate new disciplines, a renewed perspective of correcting those errors in judgment by making conscious decisions without distractions from negative influences. There are many support groups out there that offer assistance for every kind of concern or problem but you must take a close look at what’s better suited for your particular concern.

Support groups aren’t about male/female, husband/wife bashing, exposing the intimate details of your life or struggles to any and everyone for the sake of putting your business  on blast, but to the contrary. They should provide a safe, secure and comfortable environment for those who choose to become a part of a group to share, to gain some insight and wisdom into their issues, concerns, that have plagued their lives and want to find ways to change their perspectives so they can move forward in life without the shame or the guilt. The one most important ingredient to a good support group is level of confidentiality. If confidentiality is not a focus of the group, chances are that group will fail and not meet you exactly where you’re at. This is critical in any support group setting because no one wants to be hurt again, especially within a group of strangers. So if you’re looking for a support group, keep in mind these very important critical criteria:

Confidentiality –  (Is it a safe and secure environment to share without condemnation)

Right Group for My Needs – (Is the group geared towards my specific issues and concerns)

Hours Conducive for Meeting – (Are the meeting times conducive to my availability)

The Curriculum Used for Support – (What type of resource, if any, are they using for understanding and guidance)

 

VERSE HELP: “Brethren, if a man is overtaken in any trespass, you who are spiritual restore such a one in a spirit of gentleness, considering yourself lest you also be tempted. Bear one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ. For if anyone thinks himself to be something, when he is nothing, he deceives himself. But let each one examine his own work, and then he will have rejoicing in himself alone, and not in another. For each one shall bear his own load.”  –  GALATIANS 6:1-5

THIS WEEK’S ENCOURAGEMENT:

If you’re going through some struggles in life because of bad decision-making or choices you regret and want to get some help, consider seeking out a support group that is conducive to your concerns or issues that will provide you with the necessary tools and information that will help put you on the right road to recovery. If you’re uncertain of a group’s purpose or can’t locate one, seek your local church or pastor for guidance and direction.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Something New From Men of Redemption

Posted by Men of Redemption on September 8, 2014

 

Crown of Thorns in place of letter O[1]

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Men of Redemption would like to engage with its readers, subscribers and supporters on a grander scale of communication. We’d love to hear from you and others out there from around the world about what you think of M.O.R. and it’s purpose and intent on reaching men who are struggling with sexual integrity & addictive behaviors.

Our Vision Statement is as follows . . . . “It is our intention, our purpose, to recognize, identify and expose the afflictions of sexual impurity in the lives of men with bondages, footholds, strongholds, immorality, addictive behaviors, pornography; and re-establish commitment, transformation, and wholeness through setting up structure in the lives of these men who desire to be set free through the power of our Lord Jesus Christ by His Holy Spirit.”

With that being stated, we understand that there are so many men in the world who are struggling but don’t know where to turn, who to go to when they’ve said enough is enough. They want to stop but can’t because they’re trying to do it by themselves. What Men of Redemption wants to do is let you know that there is a way out, and that we(M.O.R.) want to walk along side you and help you begin this journey. We are here for you and would like to assist you in any way we can because you were created for greatness and goodness but you can’t see it if you trying to overcome the dark challenges of this life.

So if you have any questions, or thoughts that you would like some light to be brought to the forefront please complete the form below, strictly confidential and none of your contact info will be published or used for any purpose.

 

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