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    READING GOD'S WORD FOR TODAY!

    WALK IN THE LIGHT NOT DARKNESS FROM THE BOOK OF JOHN 12:42-50 . . . “Nevertheless even among the rulers many believed in Him, but because of the Pharisees they did not confess Him, lest they should be put out of the synagogue; 43 for they loved the praise of men more than the praise of God. 44 Then Jesus cried […]

    READING GOD'S WORD FOR TODAY!

    GENEROSITY IS ENCOURAGED FROM THE BOOK OF 2 CORINTHIANS 9:6-15 . . . “But this I say: He who sows sparingly will also reap sparingly, and he who sows bountifully will also reap bountifully. 7 So let each one give as he purposes in his heart, not grudgingly or of necessity; for God loves a cheerful giver. 8 And God is able to make all grace abound toward you, that you, […]

    READING GOD'S WORD FOR TODAY!

    THE PURPOSE OF PARABLES FROM THE BOOK OF MATTHEW 13:10-17 . . . . “And the disciples came and said to Him, “Why do You speak to them in parables?” 11 He answered and said to them, “Because it has been given to you to know the mysteries of the kingdom of heaven, but to them it has not […]

    READING GOD'S WORD FOR TODAY!

    HOW GOD WORKS FROM THE BOOK OF 2 PETER 3:9-18 “The Lord is not slack concerning His promise, as some count slackness, but is longsuffering toward us, not willing that any should perish but that all should come to repentance. 10 But the day of the Lord will come as a thief in the night, in which the heavens will pass away with a […]

    READING GOD'S WORD FOR TODAY!

    CONVICTION FOR THE BELIEVER FROM THE BOOK OF PSALM 23:1-6 “The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want. 2 He makes me to lie down in green pastures; He leads me beside the still waters. 3 He restores my soul; He leads me in the paths of righteousness For His name’s sake. 4 Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of […]

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Posts Tagged ‘trust’

MY QUESTION ABOUT RECOVERY IS . . . .

Posted by Men of Redemption on December 3, 2018

MY QUESTION IS . . . . 

In one of my lessons it talks about Self Care, and where I’m at in my life I’m out of shape and don’t have the energy to work out or join a gym. So how do I manage Self Care as an older mature man? 

Good question. Please don’t get the wrong impression about Self Care meaning that you have gone and join a gym, participate in some vigorous workout regiment. Not the idea at all. Self Care involves taking a sincere, in-depth observation of how you’re taking care of yourself on all levels. That includes, but not limited to: eating, hygiene, grooming, exercise, medical check-ups, vision care, enjoyment, friends and crafts. These are areas that many men in recovery have neglected while we were in our “mess” and it shows while we’re trying to do the right thing now in recovery. Our addictive behaviors have overwhelmed us with desires that influenced us to overlook these vital areas, personable as they are, and we never take the time to re-aquaint ourselves with the things that we should be doing for ourselves that we grew up doing. So basically, we want to return to what’s really important to us as men because we’ll need to improve ourselves when those opportunities arrive such as a new job, new relationship, or new perspectives in direction and purpose with and from the Lord. So don’t get caught up in thinking or believing it’s about working out, it’s more than that my friend, surely I promise you that!

“But reject profane and old wives’ fables, and exercise yourself toward godliness. For bodily exercise profits a little, but godliness is profitable for all things, having promise of the life that now is and of that which is to come. This is a faithful saying and worthy of all acceptance. For to this end we both labor and suffer reproach, because we trust in the living God, who is the Savior of all men, especially of those who believe.

1 Timothy 4:7-10 

 

 

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Regaining Trust In Marriage While in Recovery

Posted by Men of Redemption on January 9, 2018

INVITING ANOTHER BROTHER TO WALK ALONG SIDE YOU IN Image result for accountability with menRECOVERY WILL HELP REGAIN TRUST IN YOUR MARRIAGE

Those of us who remember some time ago when the song “It Takes Two” by Marvin Gaye and Kim Weston was a great hit for the both of them back in the late 60’s. The lyrics and rhythm were born to be a hit in popular music back then. Looking at the title of that song and its correlation to recovery it could sound a bit deceiving. Actually the song is basically talking about how a man and woman are made for one another with what they bring to each other, and how it can be so beautiful when we come together. From a recovery perspective, it’s going to take a little more than just two to make things right and place trust back in a marriage. Seeing that it took trusting more than two people to violate that trust in a marriage, presumably it’s going to take more than two to restore and regain it.

I’ve share in this series previously about various ways those of us who are in recovery are trying to regain trust with our spouses. Another way of doing so, along with all the rest of the suggestions, is to invite another brother in our recovery to walk alongside us, to participate in our journey. By doing so, this will inevitably give your spouse some clarity and understanding that you’re not trying to do your recovery alone because they’ve  seen what we’re capable of doing  by ourselves without any accountability. Having another brother, and let me say a trusted, overcoming and determined brother who is just a little step further into his recovery than we are, will give us the encouragement, the focus and the understanding about defeating isolation in our lives and thinking we can do it by ourselves. Making time to share with him those vulnerable moments of pain, frustration, hurt, those thoughts of reverting back into our past behaviors even if it’s just for a moment, he will be there to discourage that, to help keep us on an even keel so that we can stay on the road of righteousness. He will be there to pray with and for us so that we might continue to trust God for what He is doing in us and through us. If any of us have been in our recoveries for any length of time we’ve all have been down that road of loneliness, having the feeling of hopelessness with no one there or around that we can share our struggles with, to lean on when it seems all hope is running out the back door. Image result for accountability with men

As we secure that accountability with another brother, by sharing, mentoring, by connecting on all levels of communication, it will indeed allow our spouses to see our intentions, our purpose as well as our progressions out of passivity, out of isolation and moving towards honesty and transparency. These are movements of faith and purpose that our spouses are looking for in us and in our recovery. If we need an example of true accountability and what this looks like we can go to 1 Samuel 19 in the Old Testament of God’s Word. Jonathan, King Saul’s son was that kind of brother to David, helping in every way he could even when his father was trying to kill David. He was there for David; he was a listening ear when David needed one; he helped David avoid the struggles of ambush and defeat that strengthen David not only in his faith but also a trust he had in Jonathan.

So as you continue in your recovery, if you don’t have another brother in your life who you are sharing your journey with, take some time and consider looking at a brother that you admire, that you’ve noticed has consistent victory in his life and is overcoming daily. That brother can and will be a valuable part of a confident relationship that could propel you into regaining trust in your marriage, not sometime soon but in the very foreseeable future my friend!

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Regaining Trust While in Recovery

Posted by Men of Redemption on December 4, 2017

Spend Time Communicating with Your Wife About Trust and What It Looks Like To Her   

Now that you’ve consistently have your recovery moving in a good direction, meeting daily disciplines and making time to allow God to be the head of your life instead of yourself, and your wife sees that consistency, she’s might just be ready to have communication with transparency about what trust looks like from her perspective. She’s watched you from afar, from the living room all the way to the bedroom, and she’s observed a pattern of consistency that makes her feel a little more comfortable and at peace than she’s felt in a while. Now is the time to begin talking, sharing about she feels, and what her thoughts and concerns are about trust, and trusting you again. Jackie and I have many talks, discussions about trust and what it looks like to her. The key to those talks were to let her talk-not me. I listened because I wanted to hear her heart not mind. It’s important for me to hear and listen to her at this critical point because it’s wasn’t about me at this juncture of my recovery. It was about me taking the time hear her, to listen to what’s inside of her, all those desires, thoughts and dreams that I had neglected to pay attention to because of my addictive behaviors and my selfishness. It’s something about when I give Jackie my full, undivided attention that makes her feel like she’s number one; that she’s the most important person in life to me; that there is no other person on earth that matters to me but her. I had to learn to do that, and I’m so glad I did. These days, I make a point daily to remind her of that-that she is the most important person to me. This began to empower the desire of trust to gradually return with a renewed understanding of who she is to me. And that brings me to a familiar scripture reference that I try to remember always . . . . 

Husbands, likewise, dwell with them with understanding, giving honor to the wife, as to the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life, that your prayers may not be hindered.”   –  1 Peter 3:7 

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Regaining Trust While in Recovery

Posted by Men of Redemption on November 30, 2017

Image result for rebuilding trust

“Rebuilding Takes Time-You are Under Construction”      

Trying to rebuild trust in our marriages is a very difficult, yet consuming task to say the least. It’s going to require of us tremendous dedication and intentionality on our part to trust God to do the impossible at this stage of our recovery. But understand, God isn’t in to quick fixes. He wants to give us something better than what we had before not to restore it. What trust looked like while we were in our “mess” will look completely different when God intervenes and brings transformation guys! Things will look different; our intentions will be with purpose; and there will be no hidden agendas or motives behind anything we say or do. God will show us the damage, and He will lead us and guide us into what needs to take place with the help of those He will place around us and in our lives. We have to understand that God will be doing this, not ourselves! This reminds me of Nehemiah when he saw how devastated the city of Jerusalem was and what he wanted to do to rebuild it. He had passion for his city, his people, and he was willing to go under construction to do it no matter what it took to make it happen. Look at Nehemiah’s desire to rebuild . . . .

“Then I said to them, “You see the distress that we are in, how Jerusalem lies waste, and its gates are burned with fire. Come and let us build the wall of Jerusalem, that we may no longer be a reproach.” And I told them of the hand of my God which had been good upon me, and also of the king’s words that he had spoken to me. So they said, “Let us rise up and build.” Then they set their hands to this good work. “- Nehemiah 2:17, 18

Nehemiah wasn’t in a hurry to rebuild, he was in submission to the cause and process to do his part because that was his passion to rebuild the city. How about us? Do we have the passion, the desire to see our marriage, see the trust that has been violated, and seek God and His plan with those He surrounds us with to rebuild our marriage and allow the trust that God will provide to be rebuilt? This is exactly what our wives are praying for-DAILY! Let’s make a stand and go to work guys. If we want trust to return, let’s put our hope in Him who can do the right way!

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Regaining Trust While in Recovery

Posted by Men of Redemption on November 29, 2017

REGAINING TRUST WHILE IN RECOVERY 

“Focus on You, Not Your Wife!”      

If we want trust to return guys, we need to stop looking at our wives during the process. Look at where our focus and energies are guided towards-our wives, and that detracts from our efforts to stay consistent with what we have agreed to do! And our wives see this! I’ve learned over the years that my recovery is my recovery. If I want to regain my wife’s trust, then I need to keep my eyes on God, the Lord Jesus Christ, and allow the Holy Spirit to guide me, to teach me, to help me not lean unto my own understanding, and trust Him to do what I cannot do. Trust, in the early stages of recovery is so far down the road that we shouldn’t even be looking for it or at it! We have too much to work on, and that is exactly what our wives are praying that we do. I dare this, but I believe we must first learn to trust ourselves all over again with a new, transformed thought process of dependability and desire, and that can only come from God Almighty Himself! Our wives want to see us trust the process, doing what we have agreed to do in recovery and with a genuine heart to match. So when the Lord God allows us to wake up in the morning, remember, when we go to look in the mirror we only see one person, not ourselves and our wife. Lord God, help me do me, and the rest will take care of itself!

“But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you.”  –  Matthew 6:33

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Regaining Trust While in Recovery

Posted by Men of Redemption on November 28, 2017

Image result for CONSISTENCY

“Trust Will Come with Consistency and Commitment”      

As we continue to focus on our recovery efforts, we still should keep our intentions on being as consistent as possible, along with staying committed to the process. If you in a Pure Desire 7-Pillars support group, that process will take us anywhere from 3-5 years to get to a place in our lives where we can maintain a consistent style of living in purity, wholeness and holiness. I know some guys who have attended our Pure Desire group in the pass enter our group with the expectation of completing the workbook in six months, have a little accountability and think they’re healed from their addictive behaviors. There is no truth to that statement at all, nothing but a lie from the enemy of our soul. We have to commit ourselves to the process, staying focused and intentionally on task in completing all three components of Group Dynamics (Faster Scale/Commitment to Change/Homework). When our wives see the consistency and commitment in our recovery efforts, it gives her understanding that she can see trust down the road, the light at the end of the tunnel. It won’t automatically return, but progression and moving forward is always a good indicator that we men in recovery are doing the right thing. Staying the course, never giving up no matter how strong the struggle becomes, as long as we continue to remain focused, be consistent and stay committed to the process, trust will gradually find its way back.

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Regaining Trust While in Recovery

Posted by Men of Redemption on November 20, 2017

REGAINING TRUST WHILE IN RECOVERY Image result for regaining Trust in marriage

“Don’t Worry About Trust in the Beginning”          

This is something that I find a lot of guys, including myself early on in my recovery, put almost all of their focus and energies into when they begin their journey in recovery. From the moment they engage into setting up structure, joining a men’s recovery group, establishing structure and disciplines where there was none, we guys set our aim at trying to earn the trust back from our wives that we betrayed them because of our behaviors and addictions. We believe it’s the right thing to do, to begin that process right off the bat in our recovery to show our wives that we’re serious about making change. It kind of gives us that initiative to go full throttle as we begin to go through the shame and guilt of our struggle again. But experience says not so fast guys. Myself, I’ve been in recovery since the year 2000, and I’ve learned that placing such a challenge at the start of our recovery can be disastrous, even leading to reverting back into our behaviors. That’s a lot of pressure on us, and by the way, it won’t work at this stage of your recovery. Our focus at the beginning of our recovery should be about acknowledgement, confession, repentance, acceptance and allowing the Holy Spirit to begin the process of renewing and transformation (Romans 12:1, 2). Our wives aren’t looking to begin trusting us no time soon because they’re probably still hurting, still in shock having to believe that we actually did this to them. I would concentrate on maintaining a consistent recovery structure (Daily Devotion/Daily Scripture Reading/Prayer Time) and finding a support group that’s focused on giving us the help we truly need, like a Pure Desire Group! We ought to center our beginning recovery efforts on us first, and allow that process to begin without fail, giving our wives some type of hope that we are working on ourselves.

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My Daily Devotion – DON’T LEAVE HOME WITHOUT IT!

Posted by Men of Redemption on October 23, 2017

SOMETIMES WAITING HAS PURPOSE FOR GLORY Image result for waiting on God

Today’s Reading: John 11:1-16 . . . .

“Now a certain man was sick, Lazarus of Bethany, the town of Mary and her sister Martha. It was that Mary who anointed the Lord with fragrant oil and wiped His feet with her hair, whose brother Lazarus was sick. Therefore the sisters sent to Him, saying, “Lord, behold, he whom You love is sick.” When Jesus heard that, He said, “This sickness is not unto death, but for the glory of God, that the Son of God may be glorified through it.” Now Jesus loved Martha and her sister and Lazarus. So, when He heard that he was sick, He stayed two more days in the place where He was. Then after this He said to the disciples, “Let us go to Judea again.” The disciples said to Him, “Rabbi, lately the Jews sought to stone You, and are You going there again?” Jesus answered, “Are there not twelve hours in the day? If anyone walks in the day, he does not stumble, because he sees the light of this world. But if one walks in the night, he stumbles, because the light is not in him.” These things He said, and after that He said to them, “Our friend Lazarus sleeps, but I go that I may wake him up.” Then His disciples said, “Lord, if he sleeps he will get well.” However, Jesus spoke of his death, but they thought that He was speaking about taking rest in sleep. Then Jesus said to them plainly, “Lazarus is dead. And I am glad for your sakes that I was not there, that you may believe. Nevertheless let us go to him.” Then Thomas, who is called the Twin, said to his fellow disciples, “Let us also go, that we may die with Him.”

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WHAT’S YOUR QUESTION TODAY?

Posted by Men of Redemption on May 29, 2017

MY QUESTION IS . . . .

How long is long enough to remain with a support group? I’ve been attending this one group faithfully for the last nine months and I’ve seen good progress in my life. I’ve asked my group leader how long I should stay in the group but he hasn’t given me a clear answer and I don’t want to stay in the group forever. So how long should I remain in the group if my progression shows I’m doing well?

This is one of the most consistent questions that is asked from every man going into support group setting. Even before they put their hands on the curriculum they’re going to use, even before they attend their first group meeting. And believe me, this is something every group leader knows and expects from first time arrivals to their groups. I try to share with the guys that this should not be a question that hovers at the front of their minds. You see, your emphasis is already on the end when you haven’t even began the group. We want that energy, that focus to be centered and enforced at the beginning of your journey to recovery. It’s not about how long should you stay, it’s about what are getting out of the group, it’s curriculum and it’s accountability efforts that making a difference in your life. Your group should be impacting your life on extreme levels so that your life is changing, transforming and evolving into the creative design that God created you to be. If the group has influenced your perspective on life, helped you identify who you are in Christ, and you are walking in healing daily and consistently, chances are that leaving or concerns about leaving won’t be at the forefront of your mind or heart. If God has, and is doing what you’ve been praying for, you’ll not want to concern yourself about leaving but what and how you can invite another brother to come and receive what you have received. When you have received and are walking in your healing, I’ve known guys to not want to leave but stay and help the group, become a part of the leadership team, or even take the program they’ve just completed to their church and start a group there. So it depends on what you’re expecting to achieve when you complete the curriculum. Even more importantly, it’s about what God is saying to you or speaking to you about and what He wants you to do when you complete the program. Don’t base your success on how well you think or believe you’re doing but what is God saying to you and what He wants you to do. God has purpose for each and every one of us, and His thoughts and ways are far above ours(Isaiah 55:8), so finished the program or curriculum, and while you’re doing that continue to pray and ask God what it is that He wants you to do when you’ve completed it. You might be surprised at the answer. I surely was!!

 

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My Daily Devotion – DON’T LEAVE HOME WITHOUT IT!

Posted by Men of Redemption on May 8, 2017

START YOUR DAY OFF WITH GOD’S WORD!

Today’s Reading:

Proverbs 3:1-26 . . . .

“My son, do not forget my teaching, but keep my commands in your heart, for they will prolong your life many years and bring you peace and prosperity. Let love and faithfulness never leave you; bind them around your neck, write them on the tablet of your heart. Then you will win favor and a good name in the sight of God and man. Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight. Do not be wise in your own eyes; fear the Lord and shun evil. This will bring health to your body and nourishment to your bones. Honor the Lord with your wealth, with the firstfruits of all your crops; then your barns will be filled to overflowing, and your vats will brim over with new wine. My son, do not despise the Lord’s discipline, and do not resent his rebuke, because the Lord disciplines those he loves, as a father the son he delights in. Blessed are those who find wisdom, those who gain understanding, for she is more profitable than silver and yields better returns than gold. She is more precious than rubies; nothing you desire can compare with her. Long life is in her right hand; in her left hand are riches and honor. Her ways are pleasant ways, and all her paths are peace. She is a tree of life to those who take hold of her; those who hold her fast will be blessed. By wisdom the Lord laid the earth’s foundations, by understanding he set the heavens in place; by his knowledge the watery depths were divided, and the clouds let drop the dew. My son, do not let wisdom and understanding out of your sight, preserve sound judgment and discretion; they will be life for you, an ornament to grace your neck. Then you will go on your way in safety, and your foot will not stumble. When you lie down, you will not be afraid; when you lie down, your sleep will be sweet. Have no fear of sudden disaster or of the ruin that overtakes the wicked, for the Lord will be at your side and will keep your foot from being snared.”

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