The Tares Among Your Wheat Field

Okay. So now, here I am on this journey to restore what I allowed to be taken from me through selfish behaviors and addictive mentality.
I have accepted exposure, which truly revealed my heart to everyone including those that I really love and loved me. The truth is out; I was embarrassed and shameful of the lifestyle I portrayed; now it’s time to make amends for my actions. This is a big step for a guy who had centered his life and thinking on himself for pretty much most of his existence. I mean, everything was all about me. But it didn’t last very long, and with severe consequences I might add.
As I surrounded myself with men of integrity and accountability I found myself having to share, to talk, to communicate my feelings and thoughts with these guys, something I had never done in my entire life. It was hard for me to do that. It was challenging, yet, I wanted freedom and was willing to do whatever it took or cost me at this point in my life, so I complied. After several months of this, consistently, I finally got it! It was, as still is, a part of my life just as oxygen and blood are needed for survival. I have my foundation laid and set for success in my recovery. This is my field that I have planted and I wait patiently for the fruits of my labor.
During my labor of waiting I learned that I needed to keep focused on the task at hand by watching my recovery with a fine toothed comb. I had plenty of accountability, and the men of integrity I surrounded myself with continuously stayed in my face to make sure I was following my plan for freedom. But I had to be aware of is those that didn’t want to see me succeed in my endeavors. I never thought that there were those who wanted to see me fail or fall right on my face. I discovered that these individuals were people who were doubters of my intentions, unequally yoked friendships and unbelievers.
The doubters were pretty obvious. They came at me with a vengeance proclaiming “You’re never going to make it in your recovery man. It’s too much for you!” They didn’t shy away from me but came right in my face with no shame. These were friends and family members. I was shocked, but after the pain and deception I caused, can I blame them for their honest feelings?

I shared with them my intentions and how I was going to accomplish this but they weren’t really trying to hear it. I guessed when my behavior had negatively influenced them straight into not trusting me at all I shouldn’t have expected them to believe me anyway.
I didn’t give it any attention so I trusted God to give me strength, and obeyed His Word; “But Jesus looked at them (His disciples) and said to them, with men, this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.” (Matthew 19:26)

Then I learned about those who were unequally yoked with me. These were the guys who gave me the impression that they wanted to be in my corner and support me throughout my journey. These guys said to me “Hey Ernie, we’re recovering too. So we’ll help you in any way we can.” But as I continued in my journey and requested prayer, or adding an accountability partner some of them were still involved in their mess and deviant behavior so their support couldn’t do anything for me, let alone for themselves. But I said to myself, wait a minute. They are trying to seek freedom themselves, how can they help me if they’re struggling with their own issues? Then I discovered some of them pretended to support me. They appeared like they wanted to help; they looked like they wanted to help; but in reality all they wanted was to look like they wanted to help me and caused a stumbling block in my efforts. In essence, they really didn’t care about recovery at all. It was just a facade of friendship, pretending they wanted recovery and never really intended to help in the beginning. This reminded me of the Parable Jesus shared about the wheat and the tares. (Matthew 13:24-30) Jesus was sharing how the kingdom of heaven was like a man who sowed good seed (my recovery) in my field (life). But while he was asleep his enemies (unequally yoked folk) came in and sowed tares among the wheat. Now tares resembled wheat (guys who say and look like they’re here for recovery) but are thorns in my side. These tares look like wheat but when their fruit appears you see a huge difference in appearance.
And then there were unbelievers who I had to understand. These were people, family members, who never believed I could change. They saw the task I set before me but never encouraged me or asked me if there is anything they could to help or support me. When I told them what I planned to do they acted in disbelief and appeared as though this task is unbelievable in their eyes. So I couldn’t rely on certain folks because they never believed me in the first place.

But you know, I never cast blame on any of these people for any reason. I realize the pain, the mistrust. the deception, the hurt I caused and I knew it was going to take me a long time to make this up to everyone. I trusted God, His Word, His Spirit, and I kept focused on my task of seeking freedom through God’s redeeming love.
And now, many years later, many of the very same people have a very different opinion of me today. They see my diligence and concentrated efforts in allowing God to transform me into whom He intended for me to be. They saw the change in life, in my marriage, my family and other areas of concern in my life. The fruits of my labor were blooming. But I didn’t rest there. I wanted more of God and I knew He had more for me.
Today I’m still just as hungry for freedom as I was then, if not more. I want to remain pure in God’s eyes and in my marriage. The only way that’s going to happen is if I continue doing what I’m doing and not give up! Trusting God in all things for His sole purpose of glorifying Him, and Him alone.

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart, And lean not on your own understanding; In all your ways acknowledge Him, And He shall direct your paths. Do not be wise in your own eyes; Fear the Lord and depart from evil.” (Proverbs 3:5-7)

(A re-post from May 2011)