REGAINING TRUST WHILE IN RECOVERY

TRUST WILL COME WITH CONSISTENCY AND COMMITMENT – IN TIME

As we continue to focus on our recovery efforts, we still should keep our intentions on being as consistent as possible, along with staying committed to the process. If you’re in a Pure Desire 7-Pillars support group, that process will take us anywhere from 3-5 years to get to a place in our lives where we can maintain a consistent style of living in purity, wholeness, and holiness. I know some guys who have attended our Pure Desire group in the pass enter our group with the expectation of completing the workbook in six months, have a little accountability, and think they’re healed from their addictive behaviors. There is no truth to that statement at all, nothing but a lie from the enemy of our soul. We have to commit ourselves to the process, staying focused, and intentionally on the task in completing all three components of Group Dynamics (Faster Scale/Commitment to Change/Homework). When our wives see the consistency and commitment in our recovery efforts, it gives her understanding that she can see trust down the road, the light at the end of the tunnel. It won’t automatically return, but progression and moving forward is always a good indicator that we men in recovery are doing the right thing. Staying the course, never giving up no matter how strong the struggle becomes, as long as we continue to remain focused, be consistent, and stay committed to the process, the trust will gradually find its way back.

GOD’S WORD FOR TODAY!

GOD’S GOODNESS IN DISCIPLINE 

FROM THE BOOK OF HEBREWS 12:1-13 

“Therefore we also, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight and the sin which so easily ensnares us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking unto Jesus, the author, and finisher of our faith, who for the joy that was set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. For consider Him who endured such hostility from sinners against Himself, lest you become weary and discouraged in your souls. You have not yet resisted to bloodshed, striving against sin. And you have forgotten the exhortation which speaks to you as to sons: “My son, do not despise the chastening of the Lord, Nor be discouraged when you are rebuked by Him; For whom the Lord loves He chastens, And scourges every son whom He receives.” If you endure chastening, God deals with you as with sons; for what son is there whom a father does not chasten? But if you are without chastening, of which all have become partakers, then you are illegitimate and not sons. Furthermore, we have had human fathers who corrected us, and we paid them respect. Shall we not much more readily be in subjection to the Father of spirits and live? For they indeed for a few days chastened us as seemed best to them, but He for our profit, that we may be partakers of His holiness. Now no chastening seems to be joyful for the present, but painful; nevertheless, afterward it yields the peaceable fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it.”

REGAINING TRUST WHILE IN RECOVERY

FOCUS ON YOU NOT YOUR SPOUSE

If we want the trust to return guys, we need to stop looking at our wives during the process. Looking at where our focus and energies are guided towards-our wives will derail our efforts to stay consistent with what we have agreed to do! And our wives see this! I’ve learned over the years that my recovery is my recovery. If I want to regain my wife’s trust, then I need to keep my eyes on God, the Lord Jesus Christ, and allow the Holy Spirit to guide me, to teach me, to help me not lean unto my own understanding, and trust Him to do what I cannot do. Trust, in the early stages of recovery, is so far down the road that we shouldn’t even be looking for it or at it! We have too much to work on, and that is exactly what our wives are praying that we do. I dare this, but I believe we must first learn to trust ourselves all over again with a new, transformed thought process of dependability and desire upon the Lord God, and that can only come from God Almighty Himself! Our wives want to see us trust the process, doing what we have agreed to do in recovery and with a genuine heart to match. So when the Lord God allows us to wake up in the morning, remember, when we go to look in the mirror we only see one person, not ourselves and our wife. Lord God, help me do me, and the rest will take care of itself!

“But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you.”  –  Matthew 6:33

GOD’S WORD FOR TODAY!

A WARNING AGAINST HYPOCRISY 

FROM THE BOOK OF MATTHEW 23:1-12 (NKJV) 

“Then Jesus said to the crowds and to his disciples: “The teachers of the law and the Pharisees sit in Moses’ seat. So you must be careful to do everything they tell you. But do not do what they do, for they do not practice what they preach. They tie up heavy, cumbersome loads and put them on other people’s shoulders, but they themselves are not willing to lift a finger to move them. “Everything they do is done for people to see: They make their phylacteries wide and the tassels on their garments long; they love the place of honor at banquets and the most important seats in the synagogues; they love to be greeted with respect in the marketplaces and to be called ‘Rabbi’ by others. “But you are not to be called ‘Rabbi,’ for you have one Teacher, and you are all brothers. And do not call anyone on earth ‘father,’ for you have one Father, and he is in heaven. Nor are you to be called instructors, for you have one Instructor, the Messiah. The greatest among you will be your servant. For those who exalt themselves will be humbled, and those who humble themselves will be exalted.”

WORDS OF WISDOM – WHAT THE LORD GOD SAYS ABOUT IT!

DISOBEDIENCE WILL NOT BE TOLERATED BY ANYONE 

FROM THE BOOK OF 1 SAMUEL 15:10-35 (NKJV) 

“Now the word of the Lord came to Samuel, saying, “I greatly regret that I have set up Saul as king, for he has turned back from following Me, and has not performed My commandments.” And it grieved Samuel, and he cried out to the Lord all night. So when Samuel rose early in the morning to meet Saul, it was told Samuel, saying, “Saul went to Carmel, and indeed, he set up a monument for himself; and he has gone on around, passed by, and gone down to Gilgal.” Then Samuel went to Saul, and Saul said to him, “Blessed are you of the Lord! I have performed the commandment of the Lord.” But Samuel said, “What then is this bleating of the sheep in my ears, and the lowing of the oxen which I hear?” And Saul said, “They have brought them from the Amalekites; for the people spared the best of the sheep and the oxen, to sacrifice to the Lord your God; and the rest we have utterly destroyed.” Then Samuel said to Saul, “Be quiet! And I will tell you what the Lord said to me last night.” And he said to him, “Speak on.” So Samuel said, “When you were little in your own eyes, were you not head of the tribes of Israel? And did not the Lord anoint you king over Israel? Now the Lord sent you on a mission, and said, ‘Go, and utterly destroy the sinners, the Amalekites, and fight against them until they are consumed.’ Why then did you not obey the voice of the Lord? Why did you swoop down on the spoil, and do evil in the sight of the Lord?” And Saul said to Samuel, “But I have obeyed the voice of the Lord, and gone on the mission on which the Lord sent me, and brought back Agag king of Amalek; I have utterly destroyed the Amalekites. But the people took of the plunder, sheep, and oxen, the best of the things which should have been utterly destroyed, to sacrifice to the Lord your God in Gilgal.” So Samuel said: “Has the Lord as great delight in burnt offerings and sacrifices, As in obeying the voice of the Lord? Behold, to obey is better than sacrifice, And to heed than the fat of rams. For rebellion is as the sin of witchcraft, And stubbornness is as iniquity and idolatry. Because you have rejected the word of the Lord, He also has rejected you from being king.” Then Saul said to Samuel, “I have sinned, for I have transgressed the commandment of the Lord and your words because I feared the people and obeyed their voice. Now, therefore, please pardon my sin, and return with me, that I may worship the Lord.” But Samuel said to Saul, “I will not return with you, for you have rejected the word of the Lord, and the Lord has rejected you from being king over Israel.” And as Samuel turned around to go away, Saul seized the edge of his robe, and it tore. So Samuel said to him, “The Lord has torn the kingdom of Israel from you today, and has given it to a neighbor of yours, who is better than you. And also the Strength of Israel will not lie nor relent. For He is not a man, that He should relent.” Then he said, “I have sinned; yet honor me now, please, before the elders of my people and before Israel, and return with me, that I may worship the Lord your God.” So Samuel turned back after Saul, and Saul worshiped the Lord. Then Samuel said, “Bring Agag king of the Amalekites here to me.” So Agag came to him cautiously. And Agag said, “Surely the bitterness of death is past.” But Samuel said, “As your sword has made women childless, so shall your mother be childless among women.” And Samuel hacked Agag in pieces before the Lord in Gilgal. Then Samuel went to Ramah, and Saul went up to his house at Gibeah of Saul. And Samuel went no more to see Saul until the day of his death. Nevertheless, Samuel mourned for Saul, and the Lord regretted that He had made Saul king over Israel.”

GOD’S WORD FOR TODAY!

THE CONSUMMATION OF LOVE 

FROM THE BOOK OF 1 JOHN 4:7-19 (NKJV) 

“Beloved, let us love one another, for love is of God; and everyone who loves is born of God and knows God. He who does not love does not know God, for God is love. In this, the love of God was manifested toward us, that God has sent His only begotten Son into the world, that we might live through Him. In this is love, not that we loved God, but that He loved us and sent His Son to be the propitiation for our sins. Beloved, if God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. No one has seen God at any time. If we love one another, God abides in us, and His love has been perfected in us. By this, we know that we abide in Him, and He in us, because He has given us of His Spirit. And we have seen and testify that the Father has sent the Son as Savior of the world. Whoever confesses that Jesus is the Son of God, God abides in him, and he in God. And we have known and believed the love that God has for us. God is love, and he who abides in love abides in God, and God in him. Love has been perfected among us in this: that we may have boldness in the day of judgment; because as He is, so are we in this world. There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear because fear involves torment. But he who fears has not been made perfect in love. We love Him because He first loved us.”

GOD’S WORD FOR TODAY!

OUR NEW LIFE

FROM THE BOOK OF ROMANS 5:1-10 (The Passion Translation) 

“Our faith in Jesus transfers God’s righteousness to us and he now declares us flawless in his eyes. This means we can now enjoy true and lasting peace with God, all because of what our Lord Jesus, the Anointed One, has done for us. Our faith guarantees us permanent access into this marvelous kindness that has given us a perfect relationship with God. What incredible joy bursts forth within us as we keep on celebrating our hope of experiencing God’s glory! But that’s not all! Even in times of trouble, we have a joyful confidence, knowing that our pressures will develop in us patient endurance. And patient endurance will refine our character, and proven character leads us back to hope. And this hope is not a disappointing fantasy, because we can now experience the endless love of God cascading into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who lives in us! For when the time was right, the Anointed One came and died to demonstrate his love for sinners who were entirely helpless, weak, and powerless to save themselves. Now, who of us would dare to die for the sake of a wicked person? We can all understand if someone was willing to die for a truly noble person. But Christ proved God’s passionate love for us by dying in our place while we were still lost and ungodly! And there is still much more to say of his unfailing love for us! For through the blood of Jesus we have heard the powerful declaration, “You are now righteous in my sight.” And because of the sacrifice of Jesus, you will never experience the wrath of God. So if while we were still enemies, God fully reconciled us to himself through the death of his Son, then something greater than friendship is ours. Now that we are at peace with God, and because we share in his resurrection life, how much more we will be rescued from sin’s dominion! And even more than that, we overflow with triumphant joy in our new relationship of living in harmony with God—all because of Jesus Christ!”

ACCOUNTABILITY AND COVID-19: IS IT POSSIBLE UNDER THE CIRCUMSTANCES? IT SURE IS.

 

HOW IS THIS POSSIBLE?

Let me get the facts straight as to what I have to be in compliance with says our Federal Government:

Social Distancing:   Shelter-in-Place:   Wear a mask:   Don’t Go to Work:

Now include the no physical contact, no gathering of more than 5-10 people at any given time and that means not going to church or Bible Study. That also means for those of us who are in support groups and have been for years, no more meetings in person as a group until further notice! WOW!! I mean, I get it, being a pandemic and the life-threatening situations that can result in life or death, I get it! No argument or discussion here! But what do you tell a guy or woman who has permanently installed accountability into their recovery efforts, and it is the one constant thing that is working for them and has worked for them for years, that we cannot meet any more for a while due to COVID-19? Well, I’m one of those guys in recovery and I have to face this and understand what is being demanded of me. It’s a life or death question with really a sensible response. But my question is: Can accountability still work during these times of worldwide crisis? Yes, it can.

I have the ground rules as far as no physical contact, 6 feet apart from one another, and no gatherings are the components to curving this virus. Now, in my recovery, that’s exactly the opposite of my structure. What will I do now! First of all, I will comply and follow all mandated rules per local, state, and federal government statutes. Next, I will look into opportunities and find ways to continue my group meetings, remain in constant contact with my group members and follow all the protocol that I have set up for myself without going against the grain. I have done that and here’s what it looks like.

Joined An Online Support Group

When the government handed started handing down the required mandates regarding gatherings and its limits, we looked into getting our groups to do an online forum, which basically is the same thing except for meeting in person. There were a number of options out there for us to choose from, from teleconferencing to flat out online face-to-face meetings via streaming options. We are able to see one another and take accountability as we see one another o0n our computer screens. We are also able to communicate our daily accounts of our actions, activities, and voice our concerns during this transitional period. This has, in some respects, brought about a new dimension of accountability and recovery group protocol to the recovery side of the support, and has given both men and women a more confident and transparent confession when it comes to being real with their group members. We still do our homework and go over our lessons online within the group online setting so nothing really changes but the physical presence of us being together.

Still Able to Make My Calls 

Despite the no meeting together mandate, I am still able to make my required phones without changing or modifying their intentions. I am required to make anywhere from 3-5 calls per week to my group members and I have been doing that without interruption. That part of my recovery has not changed at all. In fact, they are going so well, that I encouraged myself to increase my calls and sharing past the minimum and exceed expectations. This shows that accountability has not and will not be interrupted by any mandates because it doesn’t affect the communication lines of recovery.

I’m Able to Send Out and Receive Any Group Information 

Whether I’m on the run or busy doing something, I can receive information regarding group changes, announcements, or requested information via email or instant messaging. The internet is a valuable source of communication for online group support when transmitting valuable or pertinent info when needed. I don’t have to wait until our next meeting or when I see my group leader. The accountability in this effort helps keep all of us aware as to what’s happening in and about our group and lets everyone know what really going on without the secrets and hiding to shed accountability efforts.

I Can Catch Church Services and Bible Studies Online for Spiritual Growth Opportunities

Part of my recovery was to attend my local church and stay connected to that for spiritual growth and enrichment. Even though we cannot meet, our church has streamed all of its services, including those ministries that happen during the week, online for all of us to watch and still receive just as if we were there. The information, teaching, and wisdom that continues to go forth are very tangible and informative for all of us to receive and apply to our lives, marriages, and relationships. I can interact at home in worship with my church family and participate with the service with songs and the reading of the Word of God. I can even participate in giving online, staying committed to desire to tithe as God’s Word asks of me.

So accountability can and will continue to go forth no matter what happens in life or interrupts us in what we’re doing. I know life happens, and it brings all of its challenges for us to face. I also know that every challenge is a choice, and how we choose to deal with it, to obey the requirements to sustain us through it all or do our own thing and face the consequences. Either way, accountability can still be as effective, if not more effective despite any change in any circumstance.

“No weapon formed against you shall prosper, And every tongue which rises against you in judgment You shall condemn. This is the heritage of the servants of the Lord, And their righteousness is from Me,” Says the Lord.” 

ISAIAH 54:17

 

WORDS OF WISDOM

GOD CALLS MOSES WITH SPECIFIC INSTRUCTIONS

FROM THE BOOK OF EXODUS 3:1-15 

“Now Moses was tending the flock of Jethro his father-in-law, the priest of Midian. And he led the flock to the back of the desert and came to Horeb, the mountain of God. And the Angel of the Lord appeared to him in a flame of fire from the midst of a bush. So he looked, and behold, the bush was burning with fire, but the bush was not consumed. Then Moses said, “I will now turn aside and see this great sight, why the bush does not burn.” So when the Lord saw that he turned aside to look, God called to him from the midst of the bush and said, “Moses, Moses!” And he said, “Here I am.” Then He said, “Do not draw near this place. Take your sandals off your feet, for the place where you stand is holy ground.” Moreover, He said, “I am the God of your father—the God of Abraham, the God of Isaac, and the God of Jacob.” And Moses hid his face, for he was afraid to look upon God. And the Lord said: “I have surely seen the oppression of My people who are in Egypt and have heard their cry because of their taskmasters, for I know their sorrows. So I have come down to deliver them out of the hand of the Egyptians, and to bring them up from that land to a good and large land, to a land flowing with milk and honey, to the place of the Canaanites and the Hittites and the Amorites and the Perizzites and the Hivites and the Jebusites. Now therefore, behold, the cry of the children of Israel has come to Me, and I have also seen the oppression with which the Egyptians oppress them. Come now, therefore, and I will send you to Pharaoh that you may bring My people, the children of Israel, out of Egypt.” But Moses said to God, “Who am I that I should go to Pharaoh, and that I should bring the children of Israel out of Egypt?” So He said, “I will certainly be with you. And this shall be a sign to you that I have sent you: When you have brought the people out of Egypt, you shall serve God on this mountain.” Then Moses said to God, “Indeed, when I come to the children of Israel and say to them, ‘The God of your fathers has sent me to you,’ and they say to me, ‘What is His name?’ what shall I say to them?” And God said to Moses, “I AM WHO I AM.” And He said, “Thus you shall say to the children of Israel, ‘I AM has sent me to you.’ ” Moreover God said to Moses, “Thus you shall say to the children of Israel: ‘The Lord God of your fathers, the God of Abraham, the God of Isaac, and the God of Jacob, has sent me to you. This is My name forever, and this is My memorial to all generations.”

GOD’S WORD FOR TODAY!

NEW LIFE IN CHRIST

FROM THE BOOK OF COLOSSIANS 2:6-15  (The Passion Translation) 

“In the same way you received Jesus our Lord and Messiah by faith, continue your journey of faith, progressing further into your union with him! Your spiritual roots go deeply into his life as you are continually infused with strength, encouraged in every way. For you are established in the faith you have absorbed and enriched by your devotion to him! Beware that no one distracts you or intimidates you in their attempt to lead you away from Christ’s fullness by pretending to be full of wisdom when they’re filled with endless arguments of human logic. For they operate with humanistic and clouded judgments based on the mindset of this world system, and not the anointed truths of the Anointed One. For he is the complete fullness of deity living in human form. And our own completeness is now found in him. We are completely filled with God as Christ’s fullness overflows within us. He is the Head of every kingdom and authority in the universe! Through our union with him, we have experienced circumcision of the heart. All of the guilt and power of sin has been cut away and is now extinct because of what Christ, the Anointed One, has accomplished for us. For we’ve been buried with him into his death. Our “baptism into death” also means we were raised with him when we believed in God’s resurrection power, the power that raised him from death’s realm. This “realm of death” describes our former state, for we were held in sin’s grasp. But now, we’ve been resurrected out of that “realm of death” never to return, for we are forever alive and forgiven of all our sins! He canceled out every legal violation we had on our record and the old arrest warrant that stood to indict us. He erased it all—our sins, our stained soul—he deleted it all and they cannot be retrieved! Everything we once were in Adam has been placed onto his cross and nailed permanently there as a public display of cancellation. Then Jesus made a public spectacle of all the powers and principalities of darkness, stripping away from them every weapon and all their spiritual authority and power to accuse us. And by the power of the cross, Jesus led them around as prisoners in a procession of triumph. He was not their prisoner; they were his!”